Ichi's Diary

Vanilla

2011-12-21T22:50:00.004+08:00

I have been good for 2 years,having sexs with ppl who I had a relationship with jer. Being good, having Vanilla sexs is so boring for me. Yeah, I have said it having Vanilla sex is so boring yet safe. Tell me how many guys would be turned on with I start fisting their cute bottoms, the last bf that I did that with, ended the nite with utter shock on his face, although, I could say that he was very "high" while doing that.

I'm not referring to nipple play, rimming or the occasional shouts of Who is ur daddy that a few of us enjoy. Sorry that is still Vanilla for me. My type of pure sinful and delightful nite is full of pain, moans, and letting go all of ur inhibitions to me. Being a dead fish on the bed does not turn me on,ur just making me want to finish thing fast so that we could sleep. Silently pleading while shouting for more, makes me wanna keep raping u endless.

Someone once ask, when would I stop? How to stop to breathe? My 1 rule is not doing this to those who I love, a sub/slave is just a thing, a thing to play with. My limit is Lovers, once I start to love u then that's is when I'll say good bye.

Rite now, I'm having a few to play with; a couple, a dog, a twink and my favorite, a guy from HK. Having sessions with a pair of lovers is so kinky, denying them of each other. I'm such a bitch.

Pi pi kaaaaaaaaaaaaa chu!!!

2011-12-12T00:06:00.002+08:00

I'm addicted to Pikachu. Pikach u is very cute, wish that I could spend more tme with PIKACHU

Counting

2011-11-26T00:06:00.003+08:00

I was calculated the budget for my research when I realized that buying a house is more profitable than doing masters.

Mice = rm 500 x 200 = rm 100 000

Compound S and its brothers: rm 10 000

Compound Y and its brothers: rm 5 000

Compound G: rm 2 000

Misc=rm 30 000

Total:rm 147 000

Can anyone tell me where to get rm 150 000 for my research?

I'm back

2011-11-19T15:20:00.002+08:00

Sorry been busy with finding myself and determining where I shuld go from now.

I have decided to move forward, no matter who or what stands in my way, I'll move forward.

Its strange that some can be jealous of one's position, no matter how high they are compared to the other. I guess that is human nature.

So I will not lie that what they did, didn't affect me but again I would like to thank them cos they had made me stronger, and made me realized that I could actually do things that I thought wasn't possible.

Being on top, being bottom is a cycle, but once ur too comfy on top, u will have twisted ideas on staying on top. Remember that each person that u harm, ur just opening new fronts for others to attack u.

Anyway, I'm starting to do my masters, so remember to believe in urself and trust urself, the most important thing is to always try to stand up with ur 2 feet.

Its a beautiful LIFE

2011-11-17T23:41:00.001+08:00

No matter what shit the WORLD gives me, No matter how tired I am, I feel that its so worth it.. crazy rite?

H.A.C.K.E.R.S

2011-11-09T23:40:00.003+08:00

The sky is ur limit they say but why when I wanna move forward and touch the sky, there are a lot of negative remarks being pass around, am I that unworthy of achieving my dreams. Shuldn't u be proud of what I can do? A mentor shuld be proud that student surpasses him someday. If not, there is no point in being a mentor.

Yes, I know that I'm a very ambitious person but at the same time, I'm being realistic, if I cannot open 1 door, its commonsense to try and open another door or use another key to open it.

What's my dream? I WANT TO BE A RESEARCH OFFICER. So I'm saying this personally to a group of individuals who I used to respect, I am hungry with ambition, I want my name to be on a door, I want a parking space for my own and most importantly, I want an office to myself.

If I am walking with two other men, each of them will serve as my teacher. I will pick out the good points of the one and imitate them, and the bad points of the other and correct them in myself.
Confucius

My mom's bday

2011-11-03T23:47:00.001+08:00

My name is...

2011-11-01T23:02:00.002+08:00

Why ppl can't pronounce my name properly? For goodness sake, ur malay lah, lidah tu mesti dah tua kan?

Anyway, being in the research line, it may be a bad thing and a good thing 2 have a unique name..why?

Being a good thing

Oooh, ur that guy who wrote that thing..how are things

Being a bad thing

Erm... can Mr Name who is hard to pronounce come forward?

Maximum by TVXQ

2011-10-25T01:16:00.000+08:00

(Rule) Someone made it, A rampart made of ice which will someday shatter
(Rule) Inside is my face, I have a satisfied expression inside the walls which protect me.
(Move) Now you need to turn back and walk, You know what..
My own rules which dominate me, You got to
(Move) Now stop blocking my path! I need to grow a little more.

*Look at me, and the things which happened to me, I’ve overcome everything and reached here.
I wont be satisfied being entrapped in this small tower any longer.
From the beginning, my path was different. Now I’ve found my own voice.
I will open the closed doors, I will take the first step, it’s me.

Scream! You’re the most beautiful in the world!
(Scream! You’re the most beautiful in the world!)
Exclaim! You’re the most beautiful in the world!
(Exclaim! You’re the most beautiful in the world!

It makes me free, it never stops, my
Movement. I want to find the strong me who can feel no limits.
(Time to know) You’re more than beautiful
(Believe in yourself) your passion which is incomparable to no other
No need to pass it by, The world already taught you how to start.

I will show you, follow me, move your body together
I will overcome my old self, and find my new self.

*Repeat

Proof

2011-10-25T00:43:00.002+08:00

Sorry for not being rich... Sorry fo not having a sweet tongue..Sorry for not having a VVIP on my phone list.. Sori for studying in an IPTS ... Sorry for having the WANT to be a SOMEBODY.

Life sucks when u have only ur guts to rely on. No matter how good u are, people will want someting more from u. 1000x u will fall in order to be able to stand once.

Ppl asked why u want tis, why do u want to suffer rejection over and over again. Life can be so simple if u let it be..

Well, if I want an easy life, I could go and take over the family business, let it be my small family business or my god mom's multinational company. The only difference is in the number of zeroes of the total profit. So what's keeping me from doing that? I think its pride but again I think its pure vengeance, I want to shut the mouths of those nay-sayers but proving to them that I could do better than them. I want to prove that getting high marks by being a parrot or regurgitating the notes of lecturers doesn't make u smart.

With my stubbornness and my guts, I hope that its enuff to reach my goals.

After degree?

2011-10-16T01:59:00.003+08:00

As some of u know that I have completed my degree and am waiting for graduation..I have been working for jobs for the past 2 mths but still haven't get a permanent job yet, most were temporary or are being run with a partner which is kinda sien.

It seems that I picked a wrong time to graduate, shuld have graduated in July/June cos now most companies are getting their account/audit done.

Anyway, most ppl were asking why do u need a job if ur doing to do masters soon (?). The explanation is simple really, a job is for me to gain experience, so far I know that I'm a good salesperson (got 84% of the customers in my last gig to sign up for membership in 5 days). I resigned from that gig due to management probs.

Getting jobs is one thing, the other thing is when ur degree has no majors and u have 22 fields to choose from, u'll end up with a headache.. So far, I decided on Entomo, Microb, Pathology, Hemato, Parasito and Clinical Genetics. Can u see the dilemma ? Each of this field has their own subs.(Pls assume that all these are pure field research)

For example, Entomo is divided naturally according to taxonomic specialization therefore in Ento, we have:

1) Apiology (bees)

2) Coleopterology (bettles)

3) Dipterology(2 winged)

4) Hemipterology (True bugs)

5) Lepidotrerology (moths & butterflies)

6) Myrmecology (ants)

7) Orthopterology (grasshoppers,crickets and etc)

8) Trichopterology (Caddis flies)

This fields are divided into species specialization and also either taxonomic or vector or behavioral studies.

So there is a lot of inner debate and search for either journals/supervisors to support my choice of specialization.

So its really not helping when u try to say these words," follow ur heart's desires"

The only thing that I'm certain of is I'm going to be a Kage.

Not going to quit

2011-10-11T01:36:00.002+08:00

I suddenly stand up and stare at the cracking silver sky
If boredom is killing you, then it'd be better if you died
Boy, listen to me! Humans really aren't all that important
You don't need something like tomorrow, don't hide your clenched fist!

You're not old enough yet to be selling your dreams to anxieties
Boy, the only one that can pull the trigger to the gun in your heart is you!

All the kids said, "Tear open our hearts!
That guy that gave up... he's another story,"
All the kids said, "These yelling voices of ours
Are finding freedom from underneath our beds,"

We don't always see eye to eye, all of the wounds scattered on me that day are still causing me to stumble
But I'll drag on forward, forward, I'm feeling a bit disconnected, I'm crying out
Though no answer is coming
Sitting, doing nothing and laughing - I don't want to become someone like that

All the kids said, "There's nothing we can do, it's pointless.
Because we're just living in this magnificent world right now,"
All the kids said, "All the truths and lies
Are things we'll never be able to forget,"

All the kids said, "We're too young to die, aren't we?!
All these bored faces lining up in this empty town..."
All the kids said, "On this windless night,
We're going to make a difference!

These yelling voices of ours
Can't be erased by any terrorist

My wished

2011-10-04T00:09:00.002+08:00

To have a good education

To have a good job

To have a good house

To have a good partner

susah sgt ke nak dpt?

Kedekut Ilmu

2011-10-02T23:56:00.002+08:00

Sumtimes,in uni, its an advantage to know sumting before hand let it be the date of submission of an assignment or stuff pertaining the subjects. Often than not, u will get ppl who often ask u questions about the subject and then will keep mum on the info that they have and u ended up at the losing side.

I have always thought that as classmates or frens, we shuld help each other to graduate especially those subjects that are kinda hard but unfortunately, time to time again, I meet ppl who are super stingy with their knowledge. To these ppl, I don't really respect them, knowledge is supposed to be shared not to be controlled by a singular person.

Recently, I found a hadith pertaining this matter,its is kinda shocking that The Prophet commented on this (yeah, I'm not that religious but I know wrong from right) cos usually those who have high level of religious teaching would follow the sayings and teachings of The Prophet closely.

The said hadith:

From AbU Hurairah r.a who heard that The Prophet once said that whoever that was asked on the KNOWLEDGE that he/she knows but denies his/her understanding on the issue will be restricted by the FIRES OF HELL on the Day of Judgement.

Recorded by Abu Daud & Al Tirmizi

Just Believe in Me

2011-09-25T23:51:00.002+08:00

Faris's POV

U shout that u want to be HOKAGE! U want to be someone.. Do u think its easy,others gave up de on being Hokage.. U still want to Hokage? Ur just a stupid kid..Who will be dumb enuff to give u the rank of Hokage.. U fail at everyting..think that u can protect ur dreams? Just shut up

Ichi's POV

Being Hokage is my dream,this is the only dream that I have. I WILL BE HOKAGE,it may take a few months or years but I will not stop till I become Hokage. I'll make sure that everyone respects me and know me. I may be a genin now,give me time to improve myself. I'll become HOKAGE one day

So trust me and believe me that I'LL be HOKAGE.

a funny rejection letter

2011-09-20T23:13:00.002+08:00

As u know that I have been actively applying for work there and here. So there are bound to have a few rejection emails from the company.

But there is one company's letter that I find to be weird.

It started with "We are sorry" plus a bit of background story of why the had to reject me and on what basis they picked the future employees and then,they ended with "Since you are not a fresh grad therefore ur automatically rejected"

Don't get me wrong, I do love rejection letters as they tell me where am I standing but being a fresh grad isn't a good reason to reject someone,just imagine if every company thinks the same way,what are fresh grads to do? Sell themselves at Lorong Haji Taib?

but again that isn't a bad idea..kan?

I'm just rm 50 for a blow...

BLC in Kuala Lipis

2011-09-15T20:06:00.005+08:00

Over the weekend, I went to Kuala Lipis to catch Mozzies,actually its at Mela (45 min from Kuala Lipis) & Padang Tunku( 20 mins from Kuala Lipis).

We stayed in a Hotel called Jelai,Kuala Lipis which is around 1

hour from Bentong. We arrived on Friday night,was surprised to see a KFC in town cos i

ts quite hulu. Rested the whole night and went wandering the next night since there is nothing to see or go, we left the hotel for breakfast,lunch and the occasional dinner.

On Saturday evening, we went to Padang Tunku to set up light traps to catch mozzies. A light trap consist of a bulb, Co2 box, net trap and fan (see below).

Then we went to Mela for BLC (Bare leg catch). Basically,we rolled up our pants and exposed our legs for the mozzies to bite,then we'll trap them using a vial which is then stuffed with cotton wool to prevent the mozzies from escaping.

During the 1st night, we stayed at the from 6 pm- 6 am and caught about 500 +/- mozzies from various genus such as Masonia, Aedes, Culex, Anopheles and Armigeres.

During the 2nd and 3th night,we stayed at the site till midnite.

Erm,going to a ulu place is normal to see some unwanted guests especially when the site is on someone's land, I think I saw a few "guardians",luckily they were just watching and didn't disturb except for one nite,when we were a bit boisterous.

And of cos,when we were there,our daily meal consisted of ikan patin, so yummy and delicious and not fatty at all. I also had a taste of jungle fowl. The bird is kinda muscular.

Also spotted a few cute lengcai mechanics and 1 or 2 of our kind there.

RESET

2011-09-15T11:08:00.002+08:00

Wait

2011-09-14T00:19:00.001+08:00

Aku fahami aku bukan terbaik
Untuk dirimu
Namun aku tetap aku
Yang terbaik tuk diriku

Lost In Kuala Lipis

2011-09-12T10:41:00.002+08:00

don't know why to start with the post...

1stly, I'm in kuala lipis doing part time work for one of the Docs from my intern days. Yes, I have finished my internship.. unfortunately, I didn't get a place for work despite all the hype form my interview in July/June. I was so happy when they confirmed to hire me and sent me for training despite I'm still an intern. Then the mail came and they decided not to hire me cos I have not konvo-ed yet.

For once, I thought what I did was right, all the work,all the times that I had to defend my decisions from my parents and the times that I had to endure their taunts of not being a good son finally paid off. For once, they accepted what I'm doing with my life but then shit happened.

Life sucks, u will never know whether ur doing a good/bad till u get the conclusion. Maybe the rejection is a blessing in disguise.. Maybe I need to work extra hard to get a good life, after all,My dreams are kinda big in their own right.

2ndly, Mr Scorpio isn't happy of where I am heading, our paths is different,we want different life.. Sumting that I have been stressing with him; I can't settle for mediocre things, I want not to be tied down with a place or a certain goals that are pre-set for me. If that's how Life works, ppl should NEVER ask what Hope/Dreams u have in the future.

Yeah, I know, I don't do well in reality...

Someday

2011-09-09T01:32:00.002+08:00

Interview questions

2011-09-06T23:08:00.002+08:00

Kinda sien going for interviews especially when ur dream job is taken away due to a stupid technical overlook. So these are some stupid questions that smart ppl asked.

1)

So u haven't convo yet? so means ur not a degree holder lah?

Inner thoughts: If I need to convo and then find job, u'll still hire me?

2)

Why find job now? wait till u convo lah

Inner thoughts: U want to fed me till then?

3)

Aiyo,ur fresh grad..hard to hire u

Inner thoughts: Ur dad had a lab rite,cos then u got a lot of exp

4)

So what are u going to do for Masters?

Inner thoughts: u wanna give me title & money ah?

5)

So what do you consider of doing A,B,C?

Inner thoughts: I want pay.. I'll Do S.U.C.K 2

6)

How badly u need this?

Inner thoughts: As badly as u need sex

7)

Where else u have applied 2?

Inner thoughts: tried to apply at Assassins-are-us but failed due to the height requirement

8)

OOh,u have worked here..why quit?

Inner thoughts: cos my term have ended

9)

Why u choose to work here?

Inner thoughts: cos its near to the salon that I always go to

Sorry,but I'm very2 cranky rite now.. but again,if u have probs with my ATTITUDE,u can always unfren or delete me from ur life..LIKE I CARE kan

BDSM gone wrong

2011-09-04T14:20:00.002+08:00

Spent the whole night at a fren, emotionally and physically exhausted right now. All due to a fren's bad decision.

He decided to play with fire,he opted for a master to fulfill his darkest fantasy, to be a slave.Unfortunately for him, the master didn't know when to let go.Therefore an intervention has needed. Luckily for the fren, I knew the master from my BDSM days so we sorta struck deal and thankfully,the master accepted.

Moral of the story

1) Do not commit on things that u have no knowledge on
2) Do tell the party that its a temporary thing
3) If u want to do kinky stuff,do it with ur bf,the very least both of u know ur limits
4) Do not play with fire
5) Build d trust between u and the other party 1st before deciding to give up ur will
6) Do not call me at 3 am

SHINE

2011-09-03T21:03:00.001+08:00

Raya report

2011-09-02T12:46:00.002+08:00

Am now at a hotel in Ipoh,catching the much needed sleep and rest.

I had the best Raya ever,3 days in Spore and 1 day in Jb,yeah,I'm biased.

This time,I got the time to spend with my Spore frens,collecting more gossips and scandals.

28/8

Drove the family down to Spore,it was my 1st time driving my dad's MPV. 14o km/h on the highway till the checkpoint. We were escorted by a police car from Ayer Keroh onwards,really felt like a VIP.

In the afternoon, we went to Geylang to buy raya stuff but ended up buying FOOD; air kathira, nasi ambeng, nasi ayam, nasi padang. Spore food is always SEDAP. Went to Jurong Point and Taka for shopping.

29/8

Went to visit Him(my 1st ex) and Mommy (my 1st ex's mum), we talked a lot. Mommy was asking whether I'll be working in Spore in the future and sorta told me that I'm included in her will.I was shocked at 1st but then I told her not to be so charitable cos I'm a nobody and kept drifting away from them. Her reply was simple; I'm a part of the family ever since He brought me home.Even the younger bro was in agreement with the arrangement.. but then,I think I'll decline when the time comes.

Drove to JB to meet my maternal family..super bored but since almost all the cousins brought their lappies, we did an Angry Birds competition; the one with the highest score gets an hour of internet access. 1 broadband, 10 lappies..go figure

30/8

Raya..raya.. as usual,the men woke up late, the boys fought for the bathroom and the womenfolk cook..

Re-entered Spore at noon and went around Spore collecting duit raya; yeah,I still get duit raya despite my age; total collection: $1200.

31/8

Spent time at graveyard again, its funny when a person departs, u start to regret the hours u lost spent sulking...

Went for another round of yamcha,actually it was lunch+tea+dinner+supper with the gang..

1/9

Drove back to shah alam,repacked the case and went North for R&R

SELAMAT HARI RAYA

2011-08-29T16:08:00.002+08:00

Selamat hari raya 2 all my readers
Maaf zahir dan batin

Pls drive safely on this holiday season

New chapter

2011-08-27T00:02:00.001+08:00

Am supposed to write a long post but somehow, I don't feel like it..anyway,the vid above & below shows my feelings better,much better than what I can explain with words

Tell me sumting what do you do when the things u do never seems to be right?

Something ain't rite

2011-08-23T22:03:00.003+08:00

Its alredi a week L said that he loves me but somehow, I don't feel it... am I playing with his heart? I mean he has everything that I want so what more do I want what?

Someone,just shoot me

Right choice

2011-08-21T00:49:00.002+08:00

15 yrs ago

Mom: study hard so that u can be a Doc

Dad: stop playing and go and read book..be a Doc

10 yrs ago

Mom: Don't go out till late night,u will have no energy to study 2morrow.. I want u 2 be a doc

Dad: Be a Doc..Be a Doc..Be a Doc

Teacher: Become a Doctor,u can do that,ur one of the HARAPAN SEKOLAH

9 yrs ago

Me: I wanna stop study for a while,settle my Ns 1st

Dad: No, go and study. I want u 2 be a doc

Teacher: why,why... go and apply for matrix.. Ur a good student,go and be a doctor..later can do

Mom: Ur no son of mine..crazy kid,why wanna do Ns so fast..

7 yrs ago

Me: I wanna go 2 do Business

Dad: why,no hope

Mum: Faints

1 yr ago

Dad: u want to do Doc after this,follow ur sister lah,do medicine

Mum: yeah,later ur salary big.. not like the course that ur taking now,long hours,little pay..

play with urine,blood and all,dirty job

Present

Sis: H.O will only get rm 2000+ and need to work shifts. I need to compete with 2000+ medical

students.. siao de

Mum: U know,our neighbour said ur job is good,become S.O or R.O is high pay..no need to be

Doc,senang kena sue.. u take MSc,then Phd,go work in Uni or Research center.. work

Govt. senang dpt elaun

Dad: Lucky ur loan is small,faster settle it,don't be like that Doc in that clinic,2o years still

haven't settle, later,if u want I can pay for u

Me: NOW U SEE WHAT I SAW 15 YEARS AGO... *shrugs and continue playing games*

Ps: I'm not against ppl who are doing MBBS if they are being passionate about it but if ur forced to be one or ur in for the money,pls remember that its ur life,ur given one life,there is no reset button. Take a year or 2 off, to think about what u want to do..

U have one chance to live ur life.

New Love

2011-08-19T05:41:00.002+08:00

L: Hey, I think I'm in love with u

I: Ur sure,we only have been seeing each other for a mth je

L: Yeah but we have been chatting with each other longer than that

I: U don't know me yet fully so I think that its premature lah

L: Scared?

I: Nope,being realistic.. who knows what u have in ur closet. Besides that,starting next mth, I'll not be in shah alam as frequent.. U can tahan anot?

L: lolz, U need it more than I do

I: Go and find someone better than me...

After an hour

I: U really love me?

L: huh?

I: Why do u want me? Byk lagi,students yg cute and comel kat uni tu

L: *********************************************************

Tai Tian Zhen

2011-08-18T22:34:00.004+08:00

Everything has certain limit,once u reach that limit,u'll care less and move away to find other stuff to do.

I know that I have zero patience on waiting especially when I need to deal with ppl on things like doing teamwork stuff and going on an outing and etc.

Therefore, when I keep trying to preserve a relationship and the other party doesn't, makes me super sien,then knowing that the person has time for others makes one feel insignificant. Sumtimes, am wondering why this matter keeps repeating itself.

Maybe I'm still naive,trusting that the world is still full of nice ppl,anyway,the world still rotates and my life still goes on......

Nightmare

2011-08-15T21:59:00.000+08:00

2011-08-11T21:43:00.002+08:00

My heart's a stereo
It beats for your, so listen close
Hear my thoughts in every note

Make me your radio
Turn me up when you feel low
This melody was meant for you
Just sing along to my stereo

If I was just another dusty record on the shelve
Will you blow me off and play me like everybody else
If I ask you to scratch my back, could you manage that
Like it read well, check it Travie, I can handle that
Furthermore, I apologize for any skipping tracks
This the last girl that play me left a couple cracks
I used to used to used to used to, now I’m over that
Cause holding grudges over love is ancient artifacts

If I could only find a note to make you understand
I sing a song and the image grab me by the hands
Keep myself inside your head, like your favorite tune
And know my heart is a stereo that only plays for you

My heart's a stereo
It beats for your, so listen close
Hear my thoughts in every note

Make me your radio
Turn me up when you feel low
This melody was meant for you
Just sing along to my stereo

Oh oh oh oh To my stereo
Oh oh oh oh So sing along to my stereo

If I wasn't old school, fifty pound boombox
Would you hold me on your shoulder, wherever you walk
Would you turn my volume up before of the cops
And crank it higher everytime they told you to stop
And all I ask is that you don't get mad at me
When you have to purchase mad D batteries
Appreciate every mixtape your friends make
You never know we come and go like we're on the interstate

I think I finally found a note to make you understand
If you can hear it, sing along and take me by the hands
Keep myself inside your head, like your favorite tune
And know my heart is a stereo that only plays for you

[Chorus]

My heart's a stereo
It beats for your, so listen close
Hear my thoughts in every note

Make me your radio
Turn me up when you feel low
This melody was meant for you
Just sing along to my stereo

Oh oh oh oh To my stereo
Oh oh oh oh So sing along to my stereo

[Bridge]

I only pray you never leave me behind
Because good music can be so hard to find
I take your hand and pull it closer to mine
Thought love was dead, but now you're changing my mind

[Chorus]

My heart's a stereo
It beats for your, so listen close
Hear my thoughts in every note

Make me your radio
Turn me up when you feel low
This melody was meant for you
Just sing along to my stereo

Oh oh oh oh To my stereo
Oh oh oh oh So sing along to my stereo

Role models

2011-08-08T22:34:00.003+08:00

I'm sure that everyone has one or more ppl that they look up to 2 for inspiration, wishing one day that they are will be like that someday.

I remember that when I was in Form 3,when the school organised its annual motivational camp, a teacher asked my group who is our role models,most stated that they want to be like The Prophet or Gandhi or Einstein,my reply was I wanted to be like one of my teacher,Pn S. The teacher was shocked at my reply and demanded an explanation.

My reply was," WHY SHOULD WE AIM FOR THE IMPOSSIBLE, I WANT TO BE REALISTIC AND BE ON PAR OR BETTER THAN MY ROLE MODEL,THEN I HAVE NO EXCUSES TO NOT BE A BETTER PERSON."

Yeah,I know I'm a bit ambitious in my aims but seriously, what is the use of having role models when ur just following someone's lead,why not take the good qualities of each of ur role model and blend it to ur taste?

I know that I have a long way to go before proclaiming that I'm the king of world but the very least I want to achieve success on my terms not by simply mimicking others.

Uni has taught me many things,some are good and some are bad but like Mao said,"It doesn't matter whether the cat is white or black,as long as it catches the mice. Don't get me wrong, I would not be as evil as that,but I want to show ppl that u can achieve ur dreams without sacrificing things that are dear to u,for instance my principles and my frens.

Alone tonite

2011-08-07T02:06:00.002+08:00

The whole day I was finishing up my report for work,when I got a call from from the Lecturer(read my previous posts,then u know). So Ichi being Itchy naturally would not refuse such an offer,besides he is quite the cutey and has good hands.......

Anyway, after doing it, I left his place and met a fren for supper,when he asked whether I have given up on love.. Naturally, I said No but after thinking hard in solitude, I wonder if my answer is the truth..

Sure,my future bf will be appalled at what I have done before seeing him but to not have sex with others unless he is ur bf is kinda not my style. Just tell me how sure are u of ur lover will be there for u forever? Making assumptions on sumting not concrete is kinda dumb...

I wonder if there would be a person who would love both of my facades; the Light and the Dark sides of me..

Sori2,back to the topic, looking for superficial love/pleasure during ONS is just like taking in drugs, the danger,the trill,the adrenaline rush,the climaxes is nice, for few hours, u feel like ur a part of someone,a few hours,u feel that he loved u but when reality sets in,ur just a lonely soul.. Maybe,I'm just doing ONS to get rid of my loneliness

In a perfect world,ppl like me do not exist.. Lestat once said; if I'm bad,then teach me how to be good, if I'm good,then teach me so that I could be good in being good.

Both the devil and the angel exist in me, can someone destroy the darkness in me?

Last Month of intern:Office politics

2011-08-06T12:11:00.002+08:00

Imagine that ur in a dept with 5 heads, 6 deputies, 20 assistants, 30 junior assistants...and ur just a vermin,a piece of dirt, a lowly intern whose main job is to suck knowledge from all 61 members of d dept that ur assigned to by the HR. Ur mission is to survive 4 5 mths and report back to the HQ when ur tenure is over...

How boleh survive ke x?

After a few mths, u discover that all 5 heads have their own agenda and not all are frens,the rest are after ur ass cos ur a raw jewel that can be shaped by their ideologies, each group wants u to their comrade in arms,each wants to ur untainted blood to bleed for ideology,their manifesto. All are watching u to make d smallest blunder so that they can be delighted in letting u be a part of the other group;their loss will not be another's gain.

U in the other hand want to preserve ur own way,ur right of being,ur principles from being poison,in othe words, u want to be u, u seek neutrality with others,projecting ur own shine without dimming the others. U move carefully,preserving ur ties with everyone without hurting the rest.

An impossible mission? After all that u went thru, nothing is impossible anymore

narang gyulhonhae joolae

2011-08-06T00:26:00.001+08:00

will you marry me
do you want to live together forever
we can sweetly love each other,
have a baby that looks like me, a baby that looks like you,
not be sick forever.. i want to live like that

honestly, i love you more
in a relationship between man and woman
they say it's better like that

i'll love you more
i'll care for you more
when tears fall and it's hard
when it hurts, we'll hurt together
i'll love you forever
i'll protect you forever
i'm thankful that i met someone as great as you
i want to love only you everyday

will you marry me

[rap] everyday, i feel so happy that
for no reason, i look forward to the next day
why why am i trembling so much
no matter how i think of it, you're my number one person
until our black hair turns white as snow
until our lives end
even if you suffer physically, i won't ever make you suffer emotionally

you're the other half of my heart
i'll become the other half of your heart
every moment that you breathe
i'll love you
even as time passes and our wrinkles grow
you and me, we'll be together forever like now

i'll love you more
i'll care for you more
when tears fall and it's hard
when it hurts, we'll hurt together
i'll love you forever
i'll protect you forever
i'm thankful that i met someone as great as you
i want to love only you everyday

you're like a light that brightened up my dark life
a house that welcomes me with the sound of stew boiling
a rain that watered my dry heart
a seed that contains the real fruit of love
a string of fate that the heavens decided
our meeting was destined by the heavens
i wouldn't trade you for the world
in my life, there's only you, forever

i'll love you more
i'll care for you more
when tears fall and it's hard
when it hurts, we'll hurt together
i'll love you forever
i'll protect you forever
i'm thankful that i met someone as great as you
i want to love only you everyday

will you marry me

Law of attraction

2011-08-03T23:17:00.001+08:00

I AM

2011-07-31T00:13:00.000+08:00

Anopheles

2011-07-25T22:40:00.003+08:00

Kingdom: Animalia

Phylum: Arthropoda

Class: Insecta

Order: Diptera

Family: Cullicidae

Tribe: Anophelini

Genus: Anopheles

As u can see that Anopheles belongs to a different subfamily if compared to Aedes. There are 460 species of Anopheles and 100 of it could transmit Plasmodium spp which causes Malaria, they also could transmit other parasites which as W.Bancrofti or B.Malayi which causes filariasis in humans.

In Msia, we can find A.maculatus and A.dirus. Both are able to transmit Plasmodium spp. They prefer to lay eggs in natural setting unlike its cousin,Aedes. The unique feature of its eggs is that they have floats on either side. The adults would lay the eggs singularly and directly on water.

The larvae of Anopheles don't have a siphon and often rests parallel to the water surface unlike its Cullicinae cousins. Larvaes are found in fresh/salt-water marshes,mangrove swamps, rice fields and etc.

The adults will rest with their abs sticking up to air. They are nocturnal creatures.

Their life span is around 1-2 weeks.

ps: no citation is needed as this is just a general intro on the genus.

A special Lecture

2011-07-24T01:48:00.002+08:00

L: hey, wanna come over?

I: sure,gimme ur address

after reaching L's house

I: erm,just wondering ur a lecturer?

L: I am teaching at IPTS in Shah alam.Why?

I: erm,k... just asking cos I saw that black sticker on ur screen. That Uni is creative,having the

the national flower as a logo.

L: biaselah,nak bodek the Govt

I: erm,which faculty are u from?

L: FISE

* feigns ignorance*

I: ape 2?

L: Faculty of engineering lah..

I: oh ic..erm,enuff talking,jom masuk bilik

Have to be careful who u want to sleep with,he may be closer than u think...

Always be there for u

2011-07-23T00:06:00.001+08:00

Bila bila kiranya diriku perlu
Hari yang murung
Terdengar nada yang riang ria

Sekali suara meyakinkan jiwa
Kaku langkah mengaguminya
Kaku menerimanya

Selagi bahuku
Memikul bebannya
Selagi hayatku
Merasa siksamu

Selama senyuman
Menjadi senyumku
Ku bawa wajahmu
Walau diriku jauh ..

*************

2011-07-20T22:16:00.003+08:00

If I can,I would fall in love with anyone that I want,

I love u cos of ur wisdom,I love him cos of his cuteness,I love the one b4 cos of his honesty,I love the one after cos of his looks,I love the 1st one cos of his caring ways, I love the last one cos of his idiotic smile....

I can't say that I love you just becos I love you..

somehow the most important thing that I want is to be loved, as idiotic it sounds this may sound, I don't feel it with all of u except with 2,my thoughts wonder,thinking of what they are doing....

Maybe myself is at fault..Sorry for making u loving me

2 in 1

2011-07-18T20:24:00.003+08:00

1) Am not a slut

I am Ichi and I'm not a slut.

I was having meet up last weekend when I told someone that I'm not a slut... guess what,he laughed... KNS

His reason is I slept with ppl who isn't my bf... erm..true but after having 5+ exes,I'm not really a fresh specimen anymore... so who cares rite?

So yeah,I am NOT a slut.

2) A fren's email

I don't know whether this person is trying to cheer me up or what..but with her permission,am going to say it here

There’s a famous myth in Vedic astrology. In it, the Moon is a man and he has twenty-seven wives. These “wives” are the twenty-seven constellations the Moon travels through in the night sky during the course of a month.

Each night he spends with a different one of his many brides.

But his favorite is in Taurus, because she’s the most beautiful. When the Moon is with her, all of his needs are met as she's so incredibly gifted in music, cooking, and the “conjugal arts.” Wink, wink…

The Moon goes absolutely loony for her. (Get it – loony?)

He’d long to stay with her and reject his other wives. This made the “gods” so angry, they threw the Moon into darkness, which is how the ancients explained new Moons and lunar eclipses (nights when the Moon had no light and couldn’t be seen).

ps: ur a great lover,just wait someone will see that..........

So dear readers,u know 2 things about me now; I am not a slut and I'm blessed (?)

Divided thoughts

2011-07-17T18:50:00.002+08:00

Been dating a few ppl but so far nothing serious, the same old story of me liking them and they not liking me.. Wondering if this makes me a slut; I have no WOW factor that I can be proud..serious, a room doesn't go silent when I enter,most would know who I am after talking with me for quite sometime.

Nah, will looking and hoping that He enters my life, all that I can do is to focus on myself 1st.. Besides,am playing a game made famous by Rumpelstiltskin;what's my name? At least 1 have made it to the 2nd round......

Mocha pt 2

2011-07-15T22:49:00.003+08:00

The next morning, I went to the coffee shop for breakfast,to my relief,he wasn't there. Maybe its a one time occurrence. I quickly engrossed my self with the morning paper. Half way thru,someone sat in the chair in front of me. Annoyed,I looked up and saw him,the lad from yesterday.

Colin: U don't remember me,don't u?

Me: Should I? Ur from yesterday....

Colin: U really don't know me?

Me: No,I don't.. sorry if I have offended u yesterday

Colin: Shut the crap up, u went to Hamilton High,class ,u dated Hannah till graduation. U left

when she died.

Me: How u know this? I have never told anyone about this. I moved cos I want to forget.

Colin: me 2, I'm staying with my aunt. Btw, I'm Hannah's brother,Colin. I was 12 when she died.

Me: I'm sorry to hear that. Ok,I have to go

Colin: Ur a coward.

Me: Pardon.

Colin: U left me alone,after what u did to me, u left without saying goodbye, u still dare to act

innocent now.

Me: Hey, her death wasn't my fault. The brake gave way. It wasn't my fault.

Colin: I don't care about her or what happened on that there. Its her fault that I'm like this.

I don't give a shit about her. U have to be responsible,ur the reason,why I'm screwed up.

Mocha

2011-07-14T22:54:00.004+08:00

Was reading someone's blog, I got an inspiration to write this story...pls enjoy it

I was reading the morning newspaper when I saw him laughing with his group of frens. At 1st,I was annoyed due to the irrational behaviour of his group. The clientele of the coffee chop that I in are mostly working ppl who were starting their day with a cup of coffee or toast with the morning paper at their table. Then on a second glance, he seems to be guarded,afraid that his defenses might fall,placing a wall between him and his frens. Although,they are one,he seems to be alone.

What pain is he hiding from others, I wondered. Why doesn't he be carefree and wild like his peers. Intrigued by this stranger, I wonder would I see him again or this is the only time that he'll be in the coffee shop.

Unaware of the time, I continued stealing glances at him,slowly daring to lengthen my glance, stretching it from a minute to 2, to 5 , to 10. Suddenly,our eyes met, his cold eyes pierced my glance. Embarrassed, I left.....

Help needed

2011-07-14T20:58:00.003+08:00

Hi,readers, u know I love u all very much and would help u when ur in a pinch or would defiantly fight for u. Ergo, I would really be happy if u can do this for me. Don't worry,I'm not asking u to be a martyr...just going to ask u to like a page in facebook

Its a project that I'm going work for in Sept 2011. Its about determining the normal range for full blood count,hemoglobin A2 and F,ferretin and soluble transferin receptor and hopefully we could treat blood related diseases better in Malaysia.

This is the link. Pls like it and do ur part for the country.

Thank u

XOXOXOXO

Ichi

Letting steam off

2011-07-12T22:43:00.002+08:00

Seriously,guys,kalo nak comment,comment je kat sini, no need to call me up and confirm stuff that I wrote. Fyi: the previous post is for someone & someone,they better know who they are. Sori,P&C stuff

Anyway, my sleep was disturbed so bear with me for awhile..

I'm in Ampang now,staying with COUSIN for the past 4 mths, life isn't great but I'll manage..this house that I'm staying in is so big;3 storeys= 1 floor for wet kitchen + my cousin's studio, 1 floor for 2 living room,dining room and dry kitchen and 1 floor for the bedrooms. Besaq kan..

To tell the truth,its not worth it,big house but empty inside, we hardly see each other,the only time we meet is at 10 pm-12 am unless I sleep early. Most of time,I stare at the telly or lappie or wall. (hahahahaha)

If this is the price of success,I rather be unsuccessful,have a small apt which has enuff space for my frens and I to enjoy and cosy bedroom for me and him (again,a fantasy).

Another fantasy of mine; to have a LTR,most of the ppl I like,don't like me :(

Nope,am not being emo but truthful.. why do ppl who have a Bf regrets having one? Not to brag but the relationships that I had except 2 ended cos of them breaking my principles especially the 3x one,the other 2 was bcos of my impatience.

I admit I am flawed to a degree but at least I don't play with ppl's hearts unlike some that I know of.

Trying to figure what purpose we serve being in this world is a big pile of horse shit, I'm just trying to live in the present

2011-07-12T19:04:00.001+08:00

Is your boyfriend, can't fight that
Let me down, you know, I'm coming right back
I don't care at all what you done before
All I really want is to be your

Your boy, boy, b-b-boy, b-b-boyfriend
Your boy, boy, b-b-boy, b-b-boyfriend
Your boy, boy, b-b-boy, b-b-boyfriend
Your boy, boy, b-b-boy, b-b-boyfriend

If you tell me where, I'm waiting here
Everyday like slum-dog millionaire
Bigger than the twilight love affair
I'll be here, girl, I swear

Looking for a, looking for a
That you're looking for a boyfriend, I see that
Give me time, you know, I'm gonna be there
Don't be scared to come, put your trust in me
Can't you see all I really want to be

3some

2011-07-11T19:56:00.001+08:00

Many couples are using 3somes as a test of loyalty to each other which is kinda stupid cos 3somes are fantasies that are never meant to be carried out for obvious reasons:

Am I better than the 3rd party?

Could this be a 1 time only?

Would he still love me?

The questions above alone defeats the pleasure of having 3some. Yes, 3somes are pleasurable if the following conditions are met:

1) 2 tops,1 bot

2) doing it with a total stranger

Simple rite? but most would do it with someone they mutually trust and is a part of their daily life.

A simple advice: be happy with who u have beside u

Dreams

2011-07-10T00:21:00.002+08:00

When we were young,teachers and parents kept on asking questions on what we wanna do in the future; what's our dream home,dream car,dream job etc etc....

Now we are busy comparing with our frens; he got married de,she got a high paying job or we are busy making ends meet;3k where got enuff?

Does this life that we are living means sumting or we are just here to wait for death?

A few would say that if we have frens,family and partner would be enuff,most would say just focus on getting rich,the rest would come on its own...

For me,a perfect life would be ..................

Ps: sorry but some things ain't meant to be shared

The most famous couple ever

2011-07-07T21:33:00.002+08:00

I'm sure that most of the bloggers and my readers are familiar with this couple from Beijing,their names are Xiahe and Luoluo...pls correct me if I'm wrong,the last I checked,they are separated and re-patched again. The video below shows their happy moments with each other.

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</div><div>Ps: taking the short route to success is meaningless</div>

Common phrases at work

2011-07-05T18:19:00.003+08:00

Short version: SV

Original Version: OV

Sentence No 1

SV: Are u going to suck it for me?

OV: Areu going to aspirate the mozzies for me?

Sentence No 2

SV: Isolating adult/pupae

OV: putting a single pupae into a vial/ separating the adults into male/female

SV: Homo giler

OV: The male mozzies are mating

SV: Combo attack

OV: Female Albos (Ae. albopictus) are bitting me,quick gimme the racket

SV: racket

OV: using stun rackets to kill mozzie

SV: when are u going to bloodfeed?

OV: When are u going to preparing for Ovi

SV: Ovi

OV: Oviposition period

A researcher's life is dull,thank god I am gay

Tears

2011-07-03T01:08:00.002+08:00

Earlier in the day,someone was asking me about what issues would make me cry.

Well,there are not a lot of things would make me cry but there many things that would make me feel frustrated/angry/plainly not bothered,eg: lateness.

But yeah,what would make me cry? erm,a really sad /inspirational movie would make me terharu but no tears would roll down...

Omg,I just realised that my heart is made of stone.

Nah,I have done a lot of crying in life,stopped crying at the age of 13-14 cos I realised that if u keep crying,u'll be thirsty in the end and TEARS will not change anything... so why waste them? There are things that had happened in my life to lead me to make promise to myself,no matter how bad things are,never cry and totally breakdown,just move forward and keep ur head high.

Maybe there will be a time that I'll break down the dam and start crying..erm,wonder how long would that crying session last?

For now, I'll continue to move forward

S&M

2011-07-01T23:43:00.002+08:00

Cause I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it
Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But chains and whips excite me

Cause I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it
Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But chains and whips excite me

So am I good or bad,u decide?

Planning

2011-06-28T20:47:00.002+08:00

When ur young,ur parents will decide what is good for,after SPM,ur grades decides what u want to do for ur degree,then after degree, ur options will be aplenty...

U want to do Masters? What kind of Masters u want to do? Where do u want to work? What do u want to work as? Phd? Marriage? House? Car? Credit card?

* Brain crashed*

The only advice that I can give u is DO NOT FOLLOW OTHERS. Let them do what they want to do,know ur limits and ur strengths. Make ur own path.

Yes,it will be difficult at 1st but u'll manage to do what u want to do.

4 most important things to remember :

1) Never do harm to others

2) Never forget where u come from and who helped u along the way

3) Always hold tight to ur principles

4) Work hard,play hard

Guang liang

2011-06-25T18:39:00.003+08:00

Was reminded of a promise which was broken

Was reminded of Aladdin's theme song at the beginning of the song(I think the melody is similar). Its useless to have everything when u have nothing.

For Marky,Edwin and me,hopefully the future is much3 brighter than the present.

Moneyboy VS Ichi

2011-06-23T18:36:00.002+08:00

Mb: hey,u pay me RmXXX,I'll give u a good time

I: Erm,where u stay?

Mb: Tmn Universiti

I: See pic?

Mb sends pic.I open,totally my type; chinese lookin,boyish, lean and fit..drools

I: what time u free?

Mb: anytime

I: Rm XXX for one hour or one time spurt?

Mb: one time spurt

I:k2

I reach Mb house,Mb superhot

Mb: let's go into my room

I: erm,ok..but let's bet,if I spurt 1st,I pay..if not u pay

Mb: when last?

I: erm,2 weeks ago

Mb: ok2

Mb suck2,I suck2,Mb play2,I play2,Mb lick2,I lick2

After 45 mins,Mb spurt2,then I spurt2

Mb: not fair,u lie

I: my dear boy,I don't lie,I got more exp

Mb: let's go for the full course.

I:k2,double or nothing

Mb: sure2

Mb rims,I rims, Mb fuck2,I fuck2, Mb massages,I massages, Mb lick2,I suck2

After 50 mins,Mb spurt2

Mb: Ur sure that ur not a ex-pornstar

I:baby,pullzee.. I maybe ugly and out of shape but I do it better that u

Mb gives RmXXX,I keep Rm XX

Ps: this is NOT fictional k, I beat a Moneyboy who usually gets paid by rich ppl.. Sesiapa yg nak, I'm Rm XXXX per min

A random thought

2011-06-20T20:33:00.002+08:00

While on lunch break,I was thinking what shuld I do after my degree? Work,I have a few places in mind,shuld I go and work at the place I study or try a new field? Research is research no matter what field u pick? Let it molecular or biochem,all fields have their own pros and cons.It depends on u on how far u want to go,Msc or Phd? Assoc. Prof or Emeritus?

The 1st step is always the hardest..rite now, there a few places that I want to do my Msc,thanks to my HOD, my supervisor and frens,namely Perak, K.Terengganu,Arau, Bangi or Cheras.

So much choices to think about,yeah, I'm the sort of person that pre-orders everything; Subway: Today's special,Starbucks: Macchiato or Frap, Mcd: Spicy Mcchicken or GCB or Big Mac.

Sumtimes,I wonder what am I scared of,the 1st step or leaving ppl behind.

On the bright side, I'm not tied down to a singular person which my world rotates,if he asks me to go,I'll go cos the very least,I have a Lighthouse to shine my way home.

2011-06-20T00:13:00.002+08:00

Got this from a leng cai's blog,nice song..sort of what of the some things running thru my mind....

This song brought back a lot of memories of someone who NEVER gets tired of me,talking,whining and complaining,whose hugs were aplenty and cooks the best pasta ever.

Thank you for being my fren,my lover and guardian angel, God must be damm lucky to have u with Him.

Ae.aegypti

2011-06-19T02:07:00.004+08:00

Been working with this species for the past 2 mths de.

An intro:

Aedes aegypti aka Stegomyia aegypti aka yellow fever mosquito which is found by Linnaeus in 1762 is from Africa which is introduced to other regions by immigrants.Its a daytime mosquito,easy to breed and is ok with restricted space. It loves indoors unlike its nasty cousin,Ae.albopictus ( pain wor when bites). It breds in man-made containers like empty plastic bins & old tires,prefers semi-dirty water.

The female and the male could be differentiated from its antennae; the males' are bushy (duh?). To know whether its Ae.aegypti or Ae.albopictus,look at the markings on its head,Ae.aegypti has white markings in a form of lyre.

It has 4 stages in its life cycle (typical of Dipteran species); egg,larva,pupae and adult. It is said that the gender of the mosquito could be differentiate at the larval stage.

It is attracted to lactic acid,ammonia and Co2 (ppl who have high level of stress are often its fav.). The females suck blood while the males suck nectar.

ps: I have no life :)

I'm NOT smart

2011-06-18T19:17:00.002+08:00

Seriously,I'm not smart;smart ppl would be those ppl who are like Einstein, Da Vinci and Ibnu Sina. I'm not even in the same league as them, I wasted time going thru the long route, did a lot of unnecessary mistakes. The me today is a product of collective mistakes. SMART PPL DON'T MAKE MISTAKES.

Came to that conclusion while having supper with 2 lengcais last night and a late chat with a bestie. The bestie said that I have changed but I think I'm still the goofy kid who everyone picks last.

Anyway,just trust ur instincts and if the thing that ur doing doesn't bring happiness,just can it and move on.

A nice saying to share: Not all smart ppl are wise

I miss those days

2011-06-15T22:08:00.001+08:00

Inferiority

2011-06-11T14:08:00.002+08:00

He is so immature........

.........He is richer than me

He has more ex than me..........

............He has more time than me

He has a hotter body than me.......

Sounds familiar? Many of relationships failed cos of inferiority complex, let it be cos of the level of maturity or the level of looks and etc.

The reason is why would we want someone when the gap is huge? We tend to lie to ourselves than we could change the person into someone we want or at least narrow the gap thru time,but seriously do we want to remold someone or love that person? Do we really need to change that person into someone that we want or simple accept for who he is?

If we want to remold,reeducate or change that guy,why don't we get ourselves a child? We could make that child into a clone of us since he is still a being who is pure.

What right to we have on a person who has been molded by his own parents,frens,teachers and society longer than we have known him? We aren't a nanny but a lover,just a lover,a position that doesn't mean much,our rank is just above his frens. Do we have that much power to defy the teachings of his family?

My advice is everytime he makes a fuss of someting insignificant, think of the reasons why u fall in love and the good time that u have shared and let the sad & angry times be a distant memory.

Fly high

2011-06-10T00:12:00.002+08:00

No matter how hard things may be,I'm always here to support u. I'm sorry that I can't do more for u,I can only give my ears to hear ur pain,my shoulders for to cry on,my arms to hug u tight and my hands to support u

2 in 1

2011-06-07T18:21:00.002+08:00

1) People

Many of my frens are kinda frustrated at my neutrality regarding frenship,some are saying that I shuldn't fren a certain person or I shouldn't get close to a certain clique or worse,I shuldn't trust someone too much cos they are digging my secrets out to be used.

My Say:

Tq for watching my back, I know who to fren or not to ,besides not all my frens are close till I share my secrets,sadly to say,I have trust issues. Only 6 ppl know the real me and each have no connection with one and another.

The other thing is I know roughly each and everyone's closet well,therefore what u tell me is not a new thing.. remember Blair isn't always a fictional character and u don't want me as an enemy.

2) New pathways

Each time,I opened a discussion about what to next after Grad,I'll always hear that ppl are:

1) do MBBS

2) do MSc

3) get married

4) do another degree

5) work

How about doing sumting else,out of the norm that no one would think of doing or even would try to replicate? I know what I want to do de,how about u guys?

Empty

2011-06-02T21:20:00.002+08:00

Spend an hour staring at the lappie,gathering my thoughts on what to write..many events had happened but somehow I lost the idea of what to write when I start to type,it seems that most are meaningless and mundane things,things that keep repeating itself no matter how I try to avoid it,BRAIN always loses to HEART in all circumstances.

Someone once told me that he admires the way that I live my life,making FUCK THEM ALL my motto but how am I to tell him that living this life needs a lot of courage which I don't always have,preferring to sleep/run from important decisions or just waiting for things to pass. I'm not strong always and not weak most of time,my blog and wall are some of the places that I vomit my thoughts out,not thinking of what others might think of, portraying myself as an idiot and hoping that a few would notice the honesty in my voice.

"I speak yet no one hears" is indeed a terrible syndrome to have,yet I continue to scream till my voice is hoarse,share ur troubles he says and yet he keeps things private for himself..

I donnoe if I can keep shouting,every Superman need his Louis Lane.. of all the dumb things that I have done,one is in the top of list,making a declaration is easy but facing the aftermath of it is hard. Times like this,I wish I have a time machine or a built in dumb alert so that each time I say stupid things,I could go back/stop myself from making the mistake,maybe I'm mentally challenged ....

How I wish we could go back and spend time talking about random stuff over a cuppa,again i have to remind myself that ppl can't spare their time for an insignificant me and come running when I call upon them..

So yet again,I managed to drown myself in words,in a post that will bring no benefit to no one and be silenced by the din of cyberspace.

"If an idiot is a person who is honest of his feelings,I don't mind being the biggest idiot there is"

Uzumaki Naruto

Between 2 persona

2011-05-29T01:23:00.002+08:00

So far I have came into contact with 4 PhD holders and numerous MSc holders,most of them belong to two categories which are A) the sort who are afraid of being overshadowed and B) the sort who inspires others and not afraid of being overshadowed.

Explanations for both terms :

A) Afraid of being overshadowed

These type of ppl often keep their research or knowledge close to their hearts,they won't reveal how or why certain things are done until the last min or after u did a mistake. They don't like those who want to better themselves nor promote discussions on certain topics cos they are afraid that the young blooms might have a spark of idea of titles for them to pursue later on. If they have RAs,they would train them just enuff for the RAs to perform their duties as drones who must not ask them questions.

B) Inspires ppl

1st, they are totally different from group A,they promote discussions so that they could widen their knowledge and also cultivate the future crops to be a better generation and hope that their teachings would be passed down to other generations.

So which type of persona would u choose? A or B?

Always remember regardless of who u are,u directly or indirectly teach others lessons,so do u want to be a Teacher who teaches or a TEACHER who inspires?

Dream

2011-05-28T00:16:00.000+08:00

Introductions

2011-05-24T21:51:00.002+08:00

Every time,when u go on a first date,the main topic is introduction.Even if u had exchanged ur personal info during the flirting period,u still need to re-introduce urself. Things get more intimate during the date,the most important thing is u'll get to know if that person is sincere and u'll also know if ur successful enuff to start round 2.

Normal questions will be:

1) what are u working as?

2) what are u looking for?

3) pls give a short intro?

4) why are u keen to be in a relationship?

5) why ur past relationship failed?

and etc...

It seems that question 3 is always hard for me; I'm a loner who loves company,prefers doing things alone while working in a group,am a control-freak, a bottom who loves to be in power and afraid to decide on things at the same time,thinks that techno is stupid,rock is the only music that is worth listening to,pop is dead,anime is not cartoon,non-readers shuld be burned,a liar who cannot lie,thinks that his frens deserve to know the truth about himself,hates dating ppl from his own race and runs away from probs.

Guess what my date who is a psychiatrist said to me?

UR MENTAL. I COULD AT LEAST NAME 3-4 DISEASES THAT UR AFFLICTED WITH. PLS MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH THIS FREN OF MINE WHEN UR FREE.

Cherating

2011-05-23T20:53:00.002+08:00

Fren: Elo, where are u?

Me: Going to see the Sun

Fren: Oh ok,make sure u come back whole

I have kept going to Cherating to clear my mind and restore my spirit since Rizal brought me there. Kinda relaxing,staring to the wide open sea,thinking of nothing but how to fix things or just pondering on what do to next.

Its funny that the world can be big when ur alone and can be small when ur in crowd.

But all ur worries fades when u see the sun rises;no matter what probs u have,if u wait long enuff,u can always see the brighter side of u having to go through the hardships. No pain,no gain rite?

Being alone

2011-05-21T21:45:00.002+08:00

Going to cut and paste from a blogger 2nite cos he's is really giving good advice...

Many of us go online or come on Facebook because sometimes we feel empty and alone. Other times even when we are surrounded by people, we still feel like we are not part of the group.

Do you ever feel that way sometimes?? I know I do...

All of us I think at some points in our lives feel alone, but for some people these feelings of loneliness seemed to be so ingrained that they become part of their identity. We CAN change that.

Many times if we pay close attention, there feelings are there for a reason, perhaps:-

we have just broken up with some one --break up of a romantic relationship
we have just been diagnosed with some health problems, that makes us unable to go out with our friends or participate in activities like we used to.
loving some one, wanting an intimate meaningful relationship and failing to find THE ONE, someone we can share our ups and downs with.
sometimes we reach out and share with people and we get disillusion, the person never understood what we are going through and we end up getting criticized or looked down upon as weak.

The KEY to understand why we are lonely is to look into the possible causes of it and then change things for ourselves. Loneliness occurs when we cannot share our thoughts and feelings with someone we can trust and we know that they care for us. Even if they are busy, we know they will be there to listen to us, often we need some one to understand what we feel and why, we need empathy not pity, or sympathy. We need to feel someone "gets us".

But don't despair if you experience this, there are ways to deal with your feelings:-

Firstly you have to identify why you feel alone. Is is because of relationship problems? Is it because you are single and have no one to turn to? Or perhaps you spouse does not understand you? Or perhaps you have migrated to a foreign country and there is no support system there, your friends and family are all too far way. It all depends on which stage in life you are in, feelings of aloneness can come from many different sources.
Secondly, you have to decide that you want to do something about it and take action. Perhaps you can start by identifying what activity you like to do. If you have always wanted to learn flower arranging or cake baking then attend a class. When you go regularly and talk to people in your class, you will build connections. Or maybe you can choose a charity and volunteer, work together with people and form your bonds with those who share the same interest with you.
Thirdly, find what makes you happy, if you want to learn dancing, then go ahead, or you like to write, then join a writing class, do things that make YOU happy.
Fourthly, when ever we feel alone, it is usually when we have too much time on our hands and we start thinking, perhaps we can start by getting out and perhaps look outside of ourselves. If we look around we might see a friend in need and where other people could use our help. If a friend has some problems, plan to do something nice for him or her. Volunteer at a hospital perhaps, if you love to sing, maybe go to a senior center and play music for them. When you do this, many times you will start joining in with the rest of the world and you will find that you are building connections that you need. So by helping others you are actually helping yourself.

ps: if the owner of the article doesn't like me cutting and pasting his work,pls inform me and due actions will be taken.

Sekai ichi Hatsukoi

2011-05-21T09:56:00.002+08:00

Currently,I watching a new anime which is adapted from a manga by Shungiku Nakamura who wrote also Junjou Romantica.

The plot:

Onodera Ritsu, a literary editor, resigns from his father's publishing company, due to his coworkers' jealousy of his success, claiming that he is simply riding his father's business. He applies for a position at Marukawa Publishing, but instead of his preferred department of literature he is placed in the infamous shoujo manga department, Emerald. He initially considers resigning, especially because he finds his new boss, Masamune Takano, intolerable and unnerving from the very beginning; however, Takano inadvertently convinces Onodera to stick with the job by calling him "useless," his pride forcing him to stay in order to prove his worth. Later, Onodera learns that Takano's old family name was Saga, an older classmate from high school that Ritsu fell in love with and confessed to.

Watch Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi OVA [Eng Sub] in Anime | View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

Underdogs Rulez

2011-05-19T20:38:00.002+08:00

Thanks u for ur advices,support and shoulder. Didn't realized that I could get this far..Muacks,Muacks.

Pink dot 2011

2011-05-17T19:45:00.003+08:00

My P.O.V:

Being gay is challenging especially in this country where they give us little space to express ourselves (thank god for internet). I have been out since the age of 21. Did I regret my decision of outing myself? Sumtimes I do,especially when ppl ignore me and my thoughts cos of my sexuality or worse by treating me like a sexual predator by warning their bfs or straight frens not to be close to me and of cos by the occasional "Gays Go To Hell" statement by some.

We do not need much except of ur understanding,of ur tolerance and of ur support. Give us the courage to be who we are and the freedom to love and to be loved.

Let's wear pink on 18 June 2011 to show support towards ur family members,ur neighbours,ur frens or colleagues.

1/2 day off

2011-05-16T21:34:00.002+08:00

On last Tuesday

Me: Ms,can I take half day off on Monday cos I need to collect my exam results?

Supervisor: smiles2

On last Friday

Me: erm,how about the half day off on Monday? it is approved?

Supervisor: Kan saya dah kata ok...

Taking half day off is heaven especially when ur sleep deprived,sumtimes its nice to go back when the roads are empty and ur not cursing every 10 mins cos of a jerk cuts ur line ungracefully.

Unfortunately for today,my half day is spent on arguing with the exam dept.

Me: so we have to activate Id in campus and go home to see the results?

Clerk: yeah

Me: so if I got probs in viewing my results,I have to take another half day?

Clerk: yeah

Me: Kan senang kalo kasi kita activate and collect results at the same venue or just let us view at home without going campus to activate Id? Mcmmane dgn budak2 yg buat Li kat luar lembah klang?

Clerk: erm,itu policy.

Me: mengapa x terangkan policy tu jelas2 kat homepage..kan senang.. x membebankan pelajar..

It seems that my uni and the govt have the similar way of thinking thing thru.

The cycle repeats

2011-05-15T13:10:00.003+08:00

Haih,showed my love to the wrong guy again..But being the stubborn me,I believe that each pain makes me stronger (hahahahah,glass will never be half empty)

2011-05-14T14:22:00.001+08:00

CLOSED
FOR
RENOVATIONS

Heartache

2011-05-14T05:35:00.002+08:00

I played with fire and I got burnt. Wondering how it could go wrong,maybe like a chemical reaction, I misjudged the concentration,temperature and other factors. Some ppl can never get what they wished for and some would get what they wished for.

1 month de

2011-05-12T20:06:00.000+08:00

Can I say that I'm not enjoying my Li yet? Or still just haven't find the rite frequency with my supervisor? Erm.. maybe cos she is from Eve's clan which is a gender that I can't fully understand; all my life,I have been dealing with Guys. (Family is a different topic). I mean seriously why can't they say that they want A while insisting that B is right for them. Seriously, don't say sumting then change to sumting else. Women are definitely strange.

Anyway,the things that I have doing is a bit hush2 (hahahhaha) but seriously its fun+ tedious+ tiring. I wonder if I shuld continue doing it for my Msc. (erm...erm).

Oh yeah,sori for being Emo for a week plus2.. its just that sumtings happened and maybe I will be cancelling an objective from my 5 year plan. Let that person continue living in a drama. But seriously,if the world was perfect and all the stars are correctly aligned,he will be perfect for me.

Que sera sera, if its meant to be,it will be mine

I just want you to know who I am

2011-05-12T18:48:00.000+08:00

And I'd give up forever to touch you,
Cause I know that you feel me somehow.
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be,
And I don't want to go home right now.

And all I can taste is this moment,
And all I can breathe is your life,
And sooner or later it's over,
I just don't want to miss you tonight.

And I don't want the world to see me,
Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

And you cant fight the tears that ain't coming,
Or the moment of the truth in your lies.
When everything feels like the movies,
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive.

And I don't want the world to see me,
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

And I don't want the world to see me,
Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

And I don't want the world to see me,
Cause I dont think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.
I just want you to know who I am.
I just want you to know who I am.
I just want you to know who I am.

Finally,understood the meaning of this song

Where is the flood?

2011-05-11T21:24:00.003+08:00

I met a guy thru Axcest, kinda cute and super frenly so since I'm a slut,I decided to meet him for a session. The conversation below happened during/after reaching the climax.

H: Fuck..Fuck..I'm gonna cum

I: Cum on my face,drown me in it

H: Ok2..here goes..arghx3

I: Oh baby,faster2 cum

H: erm,I have cum alredi

(I wipe face,feels nothing.)

I: Did u really cum?

H: Yeah,I did

I: erm,eat more Mg/Zn,k?

Sigh,got nice arms,nice stomach,nice dick but super weak. Sigh

H: Why?

I: Google it up,bye

Tired

2011-05-10T18:59:00.002+08:00

I so fucking tired to find frens to enrich my life. The reason why?

If I befren a Straight Girl, either she wants to be my gf/fag hag/ gossiper/ use me as gay detector

If I befren a Straight Guy,he thinks that I might be after his heart/ dick/ass

If I befren a Gay Dude,he thinks that I need his dick

If I befren a Lesbian Chick, she thinks I want her uterus

Moral of the story: Be frenless,treat everyone as an acquaintance and bury urself with work

Wordless

2011-05-09T00:12:00.003+08:00

When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,

I all alone beweep my outcast state

And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries

And look upon myself and curse my fate,

Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,

Featured like him, like him with friends possess'd,

Desiring this man's art and that man's scope,

With what I most enjoy contented least;

Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,

Haply I think on thee, and then my state,

Like to the lark at break of day arising

From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;

For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings

That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

Sonnet 29

Shakespeare

Sori,I don't know how to describe my state of my mind rite now. I hope uolls understand what I'm trying to say with this sonnet

Ask me correctly

2011-05-07T10:16:00.003+08:00

Been getting a lot of calls from strangers who wanna know me(a special thanks to guy who posted my number on the net) but I have been rejecting all of their advances cos of their improper way to ask me.

An example

S: Elo,free 2nite?

I: Who is this?

S: Stranger...

Why can ppl do this?

The proper way of getting my interest

S: Elo,I'm *****,staying at ***** and I would like to know u better

I: *meltz*

Sigh,where is my dream guy?

The secret workings of a Taurus

2011-05-05T20:51:00.003+08:00

One of Calvin's posts drove me to write about this.

1)Don't like to be pushed but loves be lead on

2) Like to keep things simple

3) The way we do things are different so pls respect that

4) Loves to spend but only on sensible items

5) Don't provoke us

6) Trust is no. 1 issue with us,don't play with it

7) Don't whine

8) Our toleration level is high but there is a limit

9) Be honest,we are not good at playing mind games

10) We are not stupid but we love to give chances

11) We are FAITHFUL ppl

26 yrs old de

2011-05-02T23:53:00.002+08:00

Its true when they say that age is just a number; I feel no different from the me of 25, still the same guy,making the same decisions,making the same mistakes and feeling the same pain. The only difference is the ppl who I am with now,the past year made me realized that lessons can came from many shapes and sizes,sumtimes strangers can be better frens than old pals.

Some may admire the way that I handle my identity or how I settle stuff.. (this part I donnoe whether its true or what). But actually,inside,I myself donnoe whether what I'm doing is right or wrong.

Anyway,it seems that my wish this year is the same as last which is:

1) to find a bf

2) to stay true to myself

3) to graduate

4) to spend time with frens let it be a yamcha session or an outing

5) to believe that when a door closes,another will open

Thanks,my frens

2011-05-01T23:09:00.006+08:00

Playing "thank you" again and again, even though we're far

apart...

Walking while blown by the wind, among the crowd that's

coming and going

I met you here ...

"I don't want to be parted"

Even in the lonely nights, you were here, I'll promise

"because I will become strong"

Our joined hearts are one, so we can fly

Playing "thank you" again and again,

even though we're far apart

Waving hands "goodbye",

let's meet here again

One by one,

if I could grant these thoughts right now

I would surely become a stronger me,

and be able to meet you with a smile

One by one,

 even believing that the world revolves is scary

The words you said to me that day will

become my wings as I fly

Playing "thank you" again and again,

even though I'm not holding anyone's hand

Echoing "thank you" again and again,

so that this song will reach you

Playing "thank you" again and again,

even though we're far apart

Waving hands "goodbye",

let's meet here again

Waving hands "goodbye",

let's meet here again ...

I want to meet you again...

:)

2011-04-27T19:21:00.001+08:00

Goodnite

2011-04-21T19:02:00.002+08:00

Reading Kidz blog reminded me of sumting that I used to do every night b4 sleeping. Some ppl might think saying "goodnite" to the lover is a stupid,waste of money and childish thing to do but for me it means a lot cos that person was the only person that I said good nite,every night for 2 years without fail.

I'm sure that all of u realised that I'm not close to my family in many ways,the times that we talked per day can be counted with 2 hands and the times that we see each others' face can be counted with one hand and yet we live in the same house.Btw,I'm not adopted or anything but the bond isn't there between me and my family.

Its funny how a word that mean a lot to someone but have so little impact to another person.

2 days de

2011-04-19T19:33:00.003+08:00

I have started my internship. So far,I have been up to my nose reading journals about mosquitoes and those which are related to its order; reduviids, papaya fruit fly and etc. I am Insectoman. I share my office with a cage full of Aedes spp. Lemme recap what happened in the last 2 days.

DAY 1

- met the head of dept,she shown 2 fingers and asked me to choose which I want.

- met my supervisor and got a stack of journals.

- read 3 journals and 2 thesis

- my fren's unit burned down

DAY 2

- read 4 journals

- learned how to differentiate the different mosquitoes that suck ur blood daily

- stare at the cage which is full of mosquitoes

Seriously, I am having a new found respect for them;fyi: the males mates with males and females and at random. THEY ARE NATURE'S CASANOVAS.

ps: can't tell u what I'm working on cos its secret,heck even I don't know what I'm doing.

Obsessed (gay version)

2011-04-14T16:47:00.001+08:00

Simpleton I am

2011-04-12T23:28:00.000+08:00

New Living Quarters

2011-04-09T20:02:00.002+08:00

Sorry for the lateness in updating my blog...

Since there are nothing much happenings in my life (waiting for internship to start),I'll talk about my new living quarters. :) so happy to get out of Shah Alam.

Before I start,I would like to clarify that I don't dislike Shah Alam,my reasons for getting out of this city is personal and would be happy explain them in an email.

Anyway,I'm staying in my COUSIN'S place (not BF's place) and would be sumtimes disturbed by the Aunt. Blame the cousin for agreeing on that.

Well,the house is huge for 2 ppl to live in,its a 3 storey Semi D,the basement was changed into a gaming/ jamming area by the cousin therefore I have 2 levels to myself most of the time. :)

The breakdown of the house chores are:

My coz is in charge of bills, food and misc while I'm in charge of cleaning,cooking and maintaining. Thank god for giving us a good cleaning lady who comes in every 2 days and also for inventing food delivery.

Rite now, I'm spending half of my time in Ampang and the other half in Shah alam but when the internship starts,75-90% will be in Ampang.

So far,this arrangement isn't set in stone yet cos I'm not working yet.

ps: I recently found that its so easy to claim that ur this person or that person in front of naive ppl.

Moving out

2011-04-05T23:21:00.003+08:00

In a week's time,I'll be staying in Kl,mostly for 2 reasons which are 1) cos of my internship is in Kl and 2) I hate Shah Alam. Shah Alam is for good for raising up ur kids,here,we don't have major distractions. Ur kids will be smart cos they have nothing but the internet to distract them. (hahahaha).

But still I hoping that someone will ask me to stay here....

How leh?

2011-04-01T01:21:00.003+08:00

I was talking with a fren while driving to check out a room in Setapak d other day when he asked me whether status can make a difference in a relationship.

To me,sumtimes status can be a stumbling block especially if the other guy is still in the closet cos he needs to "jaga muka" (keep on appearances) but if he is out and no one gives a damm,why bother? But yeah,u need to be subtle; within close frens,its ok to let ur hair down but during an official dinner,DO NOT proclaim that he is urs with a DANCE.

The other thing is what if the guy is richer than u? Do u let him control ur every action or try to tone down or at least match his share of treats. DO NOT LET HIM BUY U THAT DIAMOND TIARA THAT U WANTED SINCE 10. Its not proper,I mean he is ur lover not a sugar daddy.

Sumtimes ppl use their wealth to show affection which will shackle the other person to do their bidding. U have be smart to know the difference of a genuine gift and a gift with intention. (This implies to both parties)

Always remember that u love the person not the size of his account.

2011-03-29T00:42:00.000+08:00

Crush

2011-03-27T01:48:00.001+08:00

危机

2011-03-25T01:42:00.002+08:00

I was talking to a group of frens earlier about the natural disasters that we are facing today,some of them blamed GLOBAL WARMING,some blamed the change of a new era while others said that we need them or we have to go to war. I kinda surprised when H said that we need some disasters or we need major war as he is not a war hawk and as sane as others.

His explanation is below:

Crisis when written in Chinese, the word "crisis" is composed of two characters-one represents danger, and the other represents opportunity.Remember how Japan rebounded after the WW2,the speed of her progress was amazing. She practically beaten everyone else. Remember how USA overcame Depression with WW2, her men were out fighting but her women were hard at work building weapons,making uniforms and etc.

I (H) am not saying that natural disasters are a good thing but sumtimes we can used it for our own good. Remember that the Earth cannot provide enuff for whole humankind as resources are being used up and the population is skyrocketing at a pace that hasn't been seen. In the olden days,we have famine,plague, wars and etc to control our population boom but now,we have only commonsense.The life expectancy of humans is longer therefore we rely more on pension schemes and etc to support us in the long run,a few of us do not think for in long term,our money is spend on loans from study loan till marriage loan.

Japan would use this opportunity to kick start her economy if provided her ministers are smart enuff plus the nuclear plant was supposed to be decom 10 years ago. Bribery in play perhaps?

So I rest my case on why disasters can be a good thing.

My comments

U asshole,wait till it happens to u then u know..I'm definitely going to blog about this. Remind me to stab u and then we'll see how u turn that into a good ting.

Any economist willing to comment on this?