Gym and others stuff

 Been 2 gym for 1 week de. So far, so good.. I feel nice after work-out but its hard for me to sleep due to the hormones and etc. Got myself a gym partner. Although, we have different aims, its nice to have someone to go to the gym with... maybe, I will try to get to know more gymers in the future..

Primary goal: lose 10 kg
Sec goal: get some man-boobs, the solid kind.

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Its funny that I have 10 unpublished posts.. things that I try to write but somehow it does not feel rite yet, the adjectives, nouns and adverbs used are wrong, the posts do not reflect my thoughts.

Tried dating others since the break up but somehow, no matter how I do it, the results are still the same. Maybe I am too screwed up.. hahahaha.. ppl say that I am nice but why do I feel that I am evil inside.

Recently, I was going after a guy, not to say that he is cute or what.. but I feel super attracted to him.. maybe he reminds me of me.. weird, social misfit.. lolz. In the end, the best path to take is to just be frens with him, I do not want to lose frens cos of matters of the heart.

Maybe I shuld stop dating, just focus my happiness. Easier said than done huh?

Many would be happy to have some, some would be just as happy to follow the guys' method or be happy to have sex.. I do not feel that way; I do not feel the need to use methods, money and games to keep a guy with me.. maybe I am still naive of how this world works... Life would be some much simpler if I was born in 1700s-1800s..lolz..

The definition of being a guy or girl eludes me.. Why do society give leeways for girls to do some things while  restricts guys from doing others..

Anyhow, I feel that absolute happiness or rather absolute contentedness is not for me.. The hole that He left will never be filled.