Sunday, May 29, 2011

Between 2 persona

So far I have came into contact with 4 PhD holders and numerous MSc holders,most of them belong to two categories which are A) the sort who are afraid of being overshadowed and B) the sort who inspires others and not afraid of being overshadowed.

Explanations for both terms :

A) Afraid of being overshadowed

These type of ppl often keep their research or knowledge close to their hearts,they won't reveal how or why certain things are done until the last min or after u did a mistake. They don't like those who want to better themselves nor promote discussions on certain topics cos they are afraid that the young blooms might have a spark of idea of titles for them to pursue later on. If they have RAs,they would train them just enuff for the RAs to perform their duties as drones who must not ask them questions.

B) Inspires ppl

1st, they are totally different from group A,they promote discussions so that they could widen their knowledge and also cultivate the future crops to be a better generation and hope that their teachings would be passed down to other generations.

So which type of persona would u choose? A or B?

Always remember regardless of who u are,u directly or indirectly teach others lessons,so do u want to be a Teacher who teaches or a TEACHER who inspires?

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Tuesday, May 24, 2011


Every time,when u go on a first date,the main topic is introduction.Even if u had exchanged ur personal info during the flirting period,u still need to re-introduce urself. Things get more intimate during the date,the most important thing is u'll get to know if that person is sincere and u'll also know if ur successful enuff to start round 2.

Normal questions will be:

1) what are u working as?
2) what are u looking for?
3) pls give a short intro?
4) why are u keen to be in a relationship?
5) why ur past relationship failed?

and etc...

It seems that question 3 is always hard for me; I'm a loner who loves company,prefers doing things alone while working in a group,am a control-freak, a bottom who loves to be in power and afraid to decide on things at the same time,thinks that techno is stupid,rock is the only music that is worth listening to,pop is dead,anime is not cartoon,non-readers shuld be burned,a liar who cannot lie,thinks that his frens deserve to know the truth about himself,hates dating ppl from his own race and runs away from probs.

Guess what my date who is a psychiatrist said to me?


Monday, May 23, 2011


Fren: Elo, where are u?

Me: Going to see the Sun

Fren: Oh ok,make sure u come back whole

I have kept going to Cherating to clear my mind and restore my spirit since Rizal brought me there. Kinda relaxing,staring to the wide open sea,thinking of nothing but how to fix things or just pondering on what do to next.

Its funny that the world can be big when ur alone and can be small when ur in crowd.

But all ur worries fades when u see the sun rises;no matter what probs u have,if u wait long enuff,u can always see the brighter side of u having to go through the hardships. No pain,no gain rite?

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Being alone

Going to cut and paste from a blogger 2nite cos he's is really giving good advice...

Many of us go online or come on Facebook because sometimes we feel empty and alone. Other times even when we are surrounded by people, we still feel like we are not part of the group.

Do you ever feel that way sometimes?? I know I do...
All of us I think at some points in our lives feel alone, but for some people these feelings of loneliness seemed to be so ingrained that they become part of their identity. We CAN change that.
Many times if we pay close attention, there feelings are there for a reason, perhaps:-
  • we have just broken up with some one --break up of a romantic relationship
  • we have just been diagnosed with some health problems, that makes us unable to go out with our friends or participate in activities like we used to.
  • loving some one, wanting an intimate meaningful relationship and failing to find THE ONE, someone we can share our ups and downs with.
  • sometimes we reach out and share with people and we get disillusion, the person never understood what we are going through and we end up getting criticized or looked down upon as weak.

The KEY to understand why we are lonely is to look into the possible causes of it and then change things for ourselves. Loneliness occurs when we cannot share our thoughts and feelings with someone we can trust and we know that they care for us. Even if they are busy, we know they will be there to listen to us, often we need some one to understand what we feel and why, we need empathy not pity, or sympathy. We need to feel someone "gets us".

But don't despair if you experience this, there are ways to deal with your feelings:-
  • Firstly you have to identify why you feel alone. Is is because of relationship problems? Is it because you are single and have no one to turn to? Or perhaps you spouse does not understand you? Or perhaps you have migrated to a foreign country and there is no support system there, your friends and family are all too far way. It all depends on which stage in life you are in, feelings of aloneness can come from many different sources.
  • Secondly, you have to decide that you want to do something about it and take action. Perhaps you can start by identifying what activity you like to do. If you have always wanted to learn flower arranging or cake baking then attend a class. When you go regularly and talk to people in your class, you will build connections. Or maybe you can choose a charity and volunteer, work together with people and form your bonds with those who share the same interest with you.
  • Thirdly, find what makes you happy, if you want to learn dancing, then go ahead, or you like to write, then join a writing class, do things that make YOU happy.
  • Fourthly, when ever we feel alone, it is usually when we have too much time on our hands and we start thinking, perhaps we can start by getting out and perhaps look outside of ourselves. If we look around we might see a friend in need and where other people could use our help. If a friend has some problems, plan to do something nice for him or her. Volunteer at a hospital perhaps, if you love to sing, maybe go to a senior center and play music for them. When you do this, many times you will start joining in with the rest of the world and you will find that you are building connections that you need. So by helping others you are actually helping yourself.

ps: if the owner of the article doesn't like me cutting and pasting his work,pls inform me and due actions will be taken.

Sekai ichi Hatsukoi

Currently,I watching a new anime which is adapted from a manga by Shungiku Nakamura who wrote also Junjou Romantica.

The plot:
Onodera Ritsu, a literary editor, resigns from his father's publishing company, due to his coworkers' jealousy of his success, claiming that he is simply riding his father's business. He applies for a position at Marukawa Publishing, but instead of his preferred department of literature he is placed in the infamous shoujo manga department, Emerald. He initially considers resigning, especially because he finds his new boss, Masamune Takano, intolerable and unnerving from the very beginning; however, Takano inadvertently convinces Onodera to stick with the job by calling him "useless," his pride forcing him to stay in order to prove his worth. Later, Onodera learns that Takano's old family name was Saga, an older classmate from high school that Ritsu fell in love with and confessed to.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Underdogs Rulez

Thanks u for ur advices,support and shoulder. Didn't realized that I could get this far..Muacks,Muacks.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Pink dot 2011

My P.O.V:

Being gay is challenging especially in this country where they give us little space to express ourselves (thank god for internet). I have been out since the age of 21. Did I regret my decision of outing myself? Sumtimes I do,especially when ppl ignore me and my thoughts cos of my sexuality or worse by treating me like a sexual predator by warning their bfs or straight frens not to be close to me and of cos by the occasional "Gays Go To Hell" statement by some.

We do not need much except of ur understanding,of ur tolerance and of ur support. Give us the courage to be who we are and the freedom to love and to be loved.

Let's wear pink on 18 June 2011 to show support towards ur family members,ur neighbours,ur frens or colleagues.

Monday, May 16, 2011

1/2 day off

On last Tuesday

Me: Ms,can I take half day off on Monday cos I need to collect my exam results?
Supervisor: smiles2

On last Friday

Me: erm,how about the half day off on Monday? it is approved?
Supervisor: Kan saya dah kata ok...

Taking half day off is heaven especially when ur sleep deprived,sumtimes its nice to go back when the roads are empty and ur not cursing every 10 mins cos of a jerk cuts ur line ungracefully.

Unfortunately for today,my half day is spent on arguing with the exam dept.

Me: so we have to activate Id in campus and go home to see the results?

Clerk: yeah

Me: so if I got probs in viewing my results,I have to take another half day?

Clerk: yeah

Me: Kan senang kalo kasi kita activate and collect results at the same venue or just let us view at home without going campus to activate Id? Mcmmane dgn budak2 yg buat Li kat luar lembah klang?

Clerk: erm,itu policy.

Me: mengapa x terangkan policy tu jelas2 kat homepage..kan senang.. x membebankan pelajar..

It seems that my uni and the govt have the similar way of thinking thing thru.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

The cycle repeats

Haih,showed my love to the wrong guy again..But being the stubborn me,I believe that each pain makes me stronger (hahahahah,glass will never be half empty)

Saturday, May 14, 2011



I played with fire and I got burnt. Wondering how it could go wrong,maybe like a chemical reaction, I misjudged the concentration,temperature and other factors. Some ppl can never get what they wished for and some would get what they wished for.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

1 month de

Can I say that I'm not enjoying my Li yet? Or still just haven't find the rite frequency with my supervisor? Erm.. maybe cos she is from Eve's clan which is a gender that I can't fully understand; all my life,I have been dealing with Guys. (Family is a different topic). I mean seriously why can't they say that they want A while insisting that B is right for them. Seriously, don't say sumting then change to sumting else. Women are definitely strange.

Anyway,the things that I have doing is a bit hush2 (hahahhaha) but seriously its fun+ tedious+ tiring. I wonder if I shuld continue doing it for my Msc. (erm...erm).

Oh yeah,sori for being Emo for a week plus2.. its just that sumtings happened and maybe I will be cancelling an objective from my 5 year plan. Let that person continue living in a drama. But seriously,if the world was perfect and all the stars are correctly aligned,he will be perfect for me.

Que sera sera, if its meant to be,it will be mine

I just want you to know who I am

And I'd give up forever to touch you,
Cause I know that you feel me somehow.
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be,
And I don't want to go home right now.

And all I can taste is this moment,
And all I can breathe is your life,
And sooner or later it's over,
I just don't want to miss you tonight.

And I don't want the world to see me,
Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

And you cant fight the tears that ain't coming,
Or the moment of the truth in your lies.
When everything feels like the movies,
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive.

And I don't want the world to see me,
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

And I don't want the world to see me,
Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

And I don't want the world to see me,
Cause I dont think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.
I just want you to know who I am.
I just want you to know who I am.
I just want you to know who I am.

Finally,understood the meaning of this song

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Where is the flood?

I met a guy thru Axcest, kinda cute and super frenly so since I'm a slut,I decided to meet him for a session. The conversation below happened during/after reaching the climax.

H: Fuck..Fuck..I'm gonna cum

I: Cum on my face,drown me in it

H: goes..arghx3

I: Oh baby,faster2 cum

H: erm,I have cum alredi

(I wipe face,feels nothing.)

I: Did u really cum?

H: Yeah,I did

I: erm,eat more Mg/Zn,k?

Sigh,got nice arms,nice stomach,nice dick but super weak. Sigh
H: Why?

I: Google it up,bye

Tuesday, May 10, 2011


I so fucking tired to find frens to enrich my life. The reason why?

If I befren a Straight Girl, either she wants to be my gf/fag hag/ gossiper/ use me as gay detector

If I befren a Straight Guy,he thinks that I might be after his heart/ dick/ass

If I befren a Gay Dude,he thinks that I need his dick

If I befren a Lesbian Chick, she thinks I want her uterus

Moral of the story: Be frenless,treat everyone as an acquaintance and bury urself with work

Monday, May 9, 2011


When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possess'd,
Desiring this man's art and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

Sonnet 29

Sori,I don't know how to describe my state of my mind rite now. I hope uolls understand what I'm trying to say with this sonnet

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Ask me correctly

Been getting a lot of calls from strangers who wanna know me(a special thanks to guy who posted my number on the net) but I have been rejecting all of their advances cos of their improper way to ask me.

An example

S: Elo,free 2nite?
I: Who is this?
S: Stranger...

Why can ppl do this?

The proper way of getting my interest

S: Elo,I'm *****,staying at ***** and I would like to know u better
I: *meltz*

Sigh,where is my dream guy?

Thursday, May 5, 2011

The secret workings of a Taurus

One of Calvin's posts drove me to write about this.

1)Don't like to be pushed but loves be lead on

2) Like to keep things simple

3) The way we do things are different so pls respect that

4) Loves to spend but only on sensible items

5) Don't provoke us

6) Trust is no. 1 issue with us,don't play with it

7) Don't whine

8) Our toleration level is high but there is a limit

9) Be honest,we are not good at playing mind games

10) We are not stupid but we love to give chances

11) We are FAITHFUL ppl

Monday, May 2, 2011

26 yrs old de

Its true when they say that age is just a number; I feel no different from the me of 25, still the same guy,making the same decisions,making the same mistakes and feeling the same pain. The only difference is the ppl who I am with now,the past year made me realized that lessons can came from many shapes and sizes,sumtimes strangers can be better frens than old pals.

Some may admire the way that I handle my identity or how I settle stuff.. (this part I donnoe whether its true or what). But actually,inside,I myself donnoe whether what I'm doing is right or wrong.

Anyway,it seems that my wish this year is the same as last which is:

1) to find a bf
2) to stay true to myself
3) to graduate
4) to spend time with frens let it be a yamcha session or an outing
5) to believe that when a door closes,another will open

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Thanks,my frens

Playing "thank you" again and again, even though we're far 
Walking while blown by the wind, among the crowd that's 
coming and going 
I met you here ...
"I don't want to be parted" 
Even in the lonely nights, you were here, I'll promise 
"because I will become strong" 
Our joined hearts are one, so we can fly 
Playing "thank you" again and again, 
even though we're far apart 
Waving hands "goodbye", 
let's meet here again
One by one, 
if I could grant these thoughts right now 
I would surely become a stronger me, 
and be able to meet you with a smile 
One by one,
 even believing that the world revolves is scary 
The words you said to me that day will 
become my wings as I fly
Playing "thank you" again and again, 
even though I'm not holding anyone's hand 
Echoing "thank you" again and again, 
so that this song will reach you
Playing "thank you" again and again, 
even though we're far apart
Waving hands "goodbye", 
let's meet here again
Waving hands "goodbye", 
let's meet here again ...
I want to meet you again...