Live life

 Working ppl have very little time to enjoy themselves. We work in the day, work after work. A promotion means nothing but more work. I used to think that when the pay increases, the work decreases, unfortunately, the workload also increases, with more responsibilities.

Always there will be a time when u will question ur choices..

Did I did the right thing in doing my task?
Was saying No to the client a right thing?
Is this what I want to do forever?
Was it ok to sacrifice a meet for work?

We, humans always think before we decide, think during making the decision and after making the decision. Also we complain throughout the process.

For me, a decision no matter how much the pros outweigh the cons or even the pros and the cons are equally in value, I would try to make a decision that I would regret the least, even if the least is 1%. That 1% less in regret does matter; you have to worry 1% less.

Nowadays, where stress reigns supreme, having 1% less stress is a boon. Yes, I would be forever in doubt of the things I do or even complain of why I did make the decision that would make my life a bit better but I would be forever plague by that 1%.

Ppl can blame you or chide you for making a dumb decision but its your life, yours to make it better, a bit more relaxing or vice versa. Never use others as a reason to what you are doing, never blame others for the mistakes that were made knowingly or unknowingly, if you want to give advice, give it freely, do not expect others to follow or acknowledge that you were right at some point. Most importantly, do not have a grudge, life is short even for love so why waste it for a grudge.

Of gays and relationship, work

 

 
    My blog is not dead... it's just hibernating or rather having spasms whenever I feel like writing my thoughts down.

Work has been a major aspect for me for the past 2 years. To be able to work and have own money to spend is a nice feeling,finally being wean away from the pa & ma fund. Now I just need to control my spending. Having your own money regardless the amount is really nice.. yes, spending parents' money is nicer but I guess the feeling of having sumting without being subjected to control is nice.

Yeah, am to used to being control to get things.. more no of you have to do this my way to have this from Le Dad. Nowadays, it's more of if ur a good son, you will do this for me or give a bit of your pay to me.. the a little bit means 3/4 of my pay to my parents, not saying that I don't do that but what they want from me is never enuff..

Getting married, buying the house next door, getting them a vacation is what a filial son would do.. unfortunately, I am not. I do not want to get a house next door just because they have a grand idea of showing off their wealth to others or expanding the house just to accommodate more ppl. We do not talk to each other enuff in this house and you want to get a bigger one...

Have been keeping quiet in the gay world for quite some time, nowadays, it's just me calling up or meeting up close friends for tea or coffee.. do not want any attention anymore, after all the gay world is full a DRAMA; u hate me cos I have a nice bf, u hate them cos they have nice bodies, they hate u cos of ur extrovertness, I hate you cos of u being pretentious. The cycle never stops until you take urself out, but again, ppl have always a lot of things to talk about even when you are dead.

Till next time


 

5 may 2013

Elo,

       In less than 24 hours, we will be selecting our new govt, our new servants for the ppl.

Who am I going to vote for?

I am going to vote for stronger Malaysia, a Malaysia that can tolerate racial differences, a Malaysia who is not corrupt, a Malaysia who cares, a Malaysia who does not reward ppl cos of the ties that those might have  with the ppl in power but rewards those who had worked hard, sacrificed their time to be successful.

I want a country that I can be proud of, whose facilities are used by its citizens not by ppl who come here to make their families back home richer. I want to enjoy peace and harmony.

I want a Malaysia that is not divided into racial groups, I want a Malaysia that is united. I want a Malaysia that is respected.

About coming out

A few years ago, I felt that coming out or going out of the closet is the greatest thing that I am going to do, telling my frens that I am gay is so wonderfully nice, finally I can be myself, no need to play around with words that I am dating a guy or make up things about my make-up girlfrens or boast to them that I had tasted pussy before. (yucks, i know).

Telling them that I am gay brought up other issues like which lecturer u like or wanna do or do I want to have sex with my guy frens and etc which was pointless pointless, I was like hey, am telling u that I gay so that u can understand why I do not get hyper when u talk about pussies and all not to tell u that I would like to get sweaty and etc.

Although they asked all these kind of questions and more like how do gays do it, they understood why I told them that I am gay. None of them bocorkan my secret which was an important thing cos my parents' shop is like 20 mins away from the uni. (I LOVE U GUYS, EACH AND EVERYONE OF U).  The fact that I am gay only got to the student body, itu pun not all of them knew and a few lecturers knew about it.

Most of them reacted either:

1) Wow, ur gay? but u are not a softie

2) So... what's the big deal of u being gay?

3) Omg, ur gay, stay away

All of them understand that being gay is does not make me any different from the person that I was before.

Yeah, there were some who were not happy that I was flaunting gayness but who cares, I have super frens

The Journey to the West

 Just got the chance to watch this movie by Stephen Chow. The actor, Wen Zhang who was playing the lead is cute, uber cute.

 Not going to talk about the story much except that its nicely made and in tuned with Stephen Chow other works, the cinema was in laughter most of the time and the tragic part is 100% despair, u could really cry. A job well done.

  Anyway, the story touched my emotions for much.. Tang SanZang as portrayed in the movie is an unique demon killer. When every demon killer is boastful of his/her own skills, he tries to see the goodness in the demon and try to bring the goodness out. Yes, its full of Buddhism values which I love.

  He does it by singing nursery rhymes given by his master but unfortunately due to his lack of understanding love, he could not unleash his powers. In the end, he gets enlightenment and could unleashes the true of the 300 nursery rhymes which is actually Buddha Sutra and defeated the Monkey King by summoning Buddha.

 The reason why I like Buddhism much like other religions, it teaches of control; yes, u can unleash all the rage u want but limit the pain inflicted. To kill a person is easy but to make that the person understand is hard.
 
   The last few lines of the movie, " Love is love, there is no lesser or greater love, love is equal. To love a person is the same as to love God."

   To say "No" is easy, to say " No but we can do this" is hard. To be immersed in work is easy, to be captivated by Love is easy, To be drunk in Fame is easy but to limit each component is hard.

  Yes, I love work, I love being loved, I love my name to be in top journals but  I would like Life to be the main focus of my life. I do not want to lose a second, telling myself that I have to work to secure more time with my loved ones, I have to work cos more work means more money means that my loved ones could be supported. I do not want to have the worry that my Love could be taken away at any time nor I want to think that I do not deserve to be this happy/contented with my life, things can be awry at anytime.

 Everything is nothing, Nothing is Everything

ps: I do not presume that I know everything cos no one can know everything. I just know a lot.
pps: The views in this blog is of my own, if its wrong then teach me to be right about it.

Gym part 2

  Its has been like 4 mths that I started gym at Celebrity Fitness, Sunway. Oddly, the gym has been kind to me, no admin probs and so, the trainers are wonderful; been taking a few private lessons on building various muscle groups. Its funny that they let me fondle their biceps and abs to keep me motivated and sometimes fondle mine 2. :P

  When a gay guy goes to gym, many would say that he is looking for cocks and not for working out. I go to gym for working out je, I swear seriously.. but gym showers are gym showers, I would not lie if there were one or 2 or 6 encounters of ppl wanting to give extra services while showering. But yeah, I go to gym for gym not 4 sex. (Ichi is not itchy)

 Anyways, I do like what I see; the changes on my body but would like to speed it up a bit, still flabby a bit and my legs are getting slender, not a nice thing.

 Hopefully, this habit becomes a routine.

Negativity

   Little do I realised that from waking up till sleep, I cursed a lot, the word "fuck" is my favourite word. Do u that "Fuck" can be used in many forms, it can be a subject, a pronoun among others.

   Looking at the posts in facebook especially in the mornings, u could see that ppl would post sumting like jam at federal, shitlah or ktm comes late, damm you. We would never see a person post, " its packed on the federal but if you are lucky, u could see the moon and the sun over the horizon, or "the KTM is late, but there are plenty of eye candy around."

 Yeah, I am not a positive person but why do we need to worry about things that are beyond our control. Idiots will stay idiots, the sun will rise on the east, the moon on the west.

  When was the last time you told the person that mans the booth that he is a wonderful fellow on doing his job? Never rite.

 We expect that ppl to be courteous but when do we start to be courteous to others?

 Being negative is nice but when u are too negative, things start to be negative. Being always positive is no good either, u start to burn out faster.

A quote from one of the dramas that I watched; Being a fairy is not a great thing cos when ppl stop believing that fairies exist, they die.

2012

 Yeah, its a bit late so sue me.

 2012 is remarkable year for me, it has taught me a lots of things that somehow let me get to know me better.

WORK

When working in research/science, u need to be skilled balancer; when ur too focus in work, u have the tendency to lose control and submit fully to work. Work is supposed to be fun but when ur rushing for deadlines, protocols gone wrong or some equipment malfunction, things can be kinda hectic. 

Sometimes, its exciting to talk about science 24/7 but sometimes it can be annoying to others. The worse part of working is when it starts to ur everything, the reason of why u get up in the morning, the reason of why u stay up late thru the nite. 

Life is more than getting good results, usable data, sound protocols. Scientists everywhere is complaining that  the way we work is wrong, team heads are supposed to guide us to be more life-oriented not lab-oriented. 

1 year in research, I have lost so many friends, some of which that I am trying to savage and some I failed to do so. Sorry to those ppl who I lose contacts with, to those who are still there, who are understanding enuff, I love u so dearly.

In spite of this, would I be shifting my focus to others fields that are less demanding, I doubt so. This is my dream, this where I want to be.  

LOVE

A topic that I do not fail to talk about. Yes, I am still looking for it. In 2012, I have been dating with a few ppl that I think that are suitable for me to be my life partner but sometimes its funny how things worked out.

Sumtimes, we have accept that sumtings are not yet for us; it does not mean that we are weird, coward or not trying but Time plays an important role. So let it be,everything has a time and place, no need to push it or delay it.

PERSONAL

With so many things on my plate, its not hard to want to just push the kill switch and be a lifeless person for a  long period of time. Gym has been great, playing games to release tension is nice but nowadays, I just love to  spend time doing things on my own. 

Funny how the heart can be deceiving

More than just a couple times

Why do we fall in love so easy

Even when it's not right

Where there is desire

There is gonna be a flame

Where there is a flame

Someone's bound to get burned

But just because it burns

Doesn't mean you're gonna die

You've gotta get up and try try try

Gotta get up and try try try

You gotta get up and try try try