Vindicated

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated

[Chorus]
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so isolated, so motivated
I am certain now that

[Chorus]

So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away [3x]
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away [4x]

[Chorus]

Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...

An everlasting dream?

A few nights ago,I had dinner with C who is a straight guy. He asked me a golden question which was, "why gay relationships don't last long?"

Before I start to answer his question here,I would like to clarify that there are Gays who have relationships that last 10+ yrs and some ppl that I know are breaking this record.

My answer to the question:

Guys are horny (Fine,I'm a horny bastard) in nature. Be it a straight/gay guy, we are all attracted to beautiful things and we're often than not are easily aroused by cuties,therefore we are not very faithful in nature. We may sumtimes slip and cheat our partners. For gays,cheating/breaking up is even easier due to the fact that we are not bond to anything except for our own promises to each other.

Some couples may have a clause in their relationship to safeguard their promises. For an instance, they can fuck others outside of their homes or sumting in that nature. Although,it is a good idea but sometimes, the partner always "eats" outside,never inside the home and making the significant other sexually frustrated.

Some may consider Open Relationships but to me,this is stupid,unfair and dangerous as we never know what we may pick up in bars and etc.

So think about it? Can we,homos really achieve a happy ending?

Updates

A few ppl have been complaining that I have not been updating my blog as regularly as before. It seems that there are longer breaks in between posts if compared to 2009. Its not that I don't want to update my blog but there are more things to do in 2010 than in 2009.


Anyways,a bit of an update on my personal life.

Update no 1: Shop closed

Remember the burger stall that I set up with my cousins. Well,we decided to stop doing it due to various reasons like work and etc. So I have to say goodbye to that money generator.No more Alexis,No more fancy dinners for me at least till next year.
(keeping mum on that project for now)

Update no 2: New frens

Hahhaha.. Contrary to what u guys see,I'm not that sociable,even in Uni, I have very few frens. (that's why most of Uni related drama doesn't include me) But thanks to blogspot and facebook,I have made a bunch of frens this yr. Hope to continue to be frens with them

Update no 3: FYP

Yeay,I'm proud to say that I have started my data analysis but the progress is slow due to the hassle of SPSS. I think doing manually is faster. Better to a tortoise than a hare,u'll have a clearer understanding of what ur doing.

Seeing the Light

Have u been approached by an ex-gay before in the chat rooms or social sites before? They often proclaimed that they have seen the err of their ways and have returned to the path of God. Their approach is often subtle almost like those in the MLM business. "Join us for brunch or tea", they would say.Then in the middle of having Earl Grey, they would proclaimed that they have the will to say NO to a tight hole nor a 10 inch dick and YES to tits and pussies.

Some gays would follow the steps of these so-called Ex-gays believing that God did not abandon them to the fiery pit of Hells and that gays still have a chance/opportunity to reform,to be the REAL person that they are,that they have the power to reject the temptations of the DEVIL,to be the person that their families and THE SOCIETY wants.

How good is this program actually? A few would be converted into 100% heteros,some would get married and be contented with a dick every now and then and the lucky ones,the ones who receive Enlightenment would stay HOMO and realized that God & Devil, Angels & Demons, Heaven & Hell exist inside them.

Always remember that u are u who are and no one can deny u being u.

Last 72 hrs

Omg,I'm an internet addict.

Anyway, I went out for a roadtrip with cousin for the last 72 hrs. Just me and him and the highway. We agreed to switch off our Hps,his BB, laptops and etc. In short,we cut ourselves away from the world. (parents agreed but asked us to update our location every 12 hours).

Starting Point: Shah Alam
Pit stop: Ampang

17/11
1st stop: Ipoh
2nd stop: Besut
3rd stop: Cherating (Slept there)

18/11
4th stop: Kuantan
5th stop: Kuala Lumpur

It was kinda fun cos I have not done any road trips with this cousin before. Surprisingly,he was a nice person to talk to since we only talked about games when we met up on previous occasions.

Both were suffering from post-break up syndrome. I had to be careful to use girl terms to describe my ex( She,her,tits,pussy and etc) which was kinda frustrating since I'm not a good liar.

In the end,we both gained a lot of exp and saw the world in a new light and agreed that Laptops are the most loyal of companions; they carry out ur every command and give a straight answer to every query.

OLD I'M NOT

Its official that I'm out of the gay scene,both here and in Spore. Its has been a long since I entered the chatrooms nor the clubs. I had deleted my frienster, myspace, trevvy, G4m (Planet Romeo) a long time ago. Btw,Facebook is for frens and acquaintances,not for sex. Nah,I'm not selling myself here either, I'm not that desperate yet.

Seriously,I am feeling kinda old for these things but the prob is the only way to find guys is to be in the scene. These days,most of my outings are with bloggers or frens (straight ones). I'm starting to enjoy the drama-less world of Gay,more time for me to read my books and less time listening to petty squabbles about who stole whose treat.

Surprise at this statement, ur not alone in this. Fuck, why am I having this thoughts,I'm not 30 yrs old yet,I'm just 23 yrs old. (Well,some parts are even younger than that)

Why so fast ?

This conversation took placed in FB.

Fren: Hey,I heard that u alredi started doing ur data collection for ur FYP. why so fast wanna do?

I: huh? fast meh? scared later no time lah

Fren: What u mean u got no time? Ur doing a survey je kan.

I: Excuse me.. although I'm doing a survey, I need 400 respondents from 4 Unis. U think I so free to 4 Unis during class time meh?

Fren: 400 ? for what,just do 100 lah.. its just a FYP.. its not like its going to be publish or what..

I: U know what,I have better things to do than talking to u..BYE

Seriously, for me if u want to do sumting,go all out. Why settle for the minimum requirement. No wonder lah u need help to survive later on.

The things that I do for my gfs

Women are less afraid of gays than hetero males due to the fact that gays don't have any feelings for women. We simply do not get aroused while watching Pamela Anderson flaunting her XXL boobs. Therefore women will let their guard down and show /tell /ask us many things that heteros would be dying to see.

Case 1

My gf's bf asked her out suddenly when we were having dinner at her place one nite. She drags me into her room and starts to peel her clothes off her body while asking me what she shuld wear. She changed into a few sets of clothes until the both of us were happy with the selection. Throughout the process,the bf was out in the living room.

Case 2

One of my gfs asked me to stalk her bf who was suspected to have another girl. I spent 2 weeks collecting evidence that support her claim and she paid my petrol. Just imagine, following the bf who seems to not have a home to go to all over Subang and Shah Alam,it was damm tiring.

Case 3

2 of my gfs asked me the art of sexs. Seriously,I was thinking why me,my sex life is damm boring. After all the tutorial, their bfs broke up with them and told them that they were excellent at giving BJs. I know the world isn't fair :)

For the heteros who are reading this,always remember that if guys want a great time,do it with a gay dude and if gals want a great time,do it with a lesbian.

Case 4

My gfs and I spent a whole nite talking about the L theory. According to this theory,tall guys have short dicks while short guys have long dicks. Guess what, this theory is only applicable for 4 out 10 guys. So go figure.

Ps: Btw my gfs are my fag hags
Pps: those guys in Case 4 are based on our cumulative sex exp.

Mayday: Stubborn

Suppose that this world and I are different, then that makes us different
To me, holding fast means once unyielding, ever more unyielding
If I were to compromise my principles or lie to myself
Others might forgive me, but Id never forgive myself

The most perfect wish has got to be the craziest
I am my own god at the place where I live

I have my last bit of stubbornness grasped tightly in my two hands, absolutely not letting go
The next stop may be paradise, granted that disappointments cant destroy hope
My proud stubbornness and I sing loudly into the wind
This time, Im crazy for my own sake, just this time me and my stubbornness

People who love me neednt be nervous, my obstinacy is good and honest
The dirtier my hands become, the clearer I can see
You dont mind my past mistakes because you can see my wings
And you remind me that only after being burned in the fire can a phoenix be reborn

Traveling against the wind is the best way to take flight
Countless people throwing obstacles my way cant scare me, I only fear my own surrender
I have my last bit of stubbornness grasped tightly in my two hands, absolutely not letting go
The next stop may be paradise, granted that disappointments cant destroy hope
My proud stubbornness and I sing loudly into the wind
This time, Im crazy for my own sake, just this time me and my stubbornness

I have my last bit of stubbornness grasped tightly in my two hands, absolutely not letting go
The next stop may be paradise, granted that disappointments cant destroy hope
My proud stubbornness and I sing loudly into the wind
This time, Im crazy for my own sake, just this time me and my stubbornness
Just this time let me sing it loudly

La la la... granted that disappointments cant destroy hope
La la la... just this time, me and my stubbornness

The end of holidays

In 15 days, my new and last sem is gonna start. There are many things that I have not completed yet like reading one piece ( am at chapter 9), watching anime (black cat is still pending) and of cos,my data collection for my thesis ( still haven't settle UM,UKM and UPM).

The prob with UM,UKM and UPM is bad timing,I thought that their finals is next month so I delayed the data collection and was thinking that whatever happens,I still have a lot of time. The fact that most of my frens are in IPTS also contributed to the decision making.

Things that I have accomplished:

1) settled my intro,lit review and methodology for my thesis
2) finished reading XXXholic
3) finished watching soul eater,katekyo hitman reborn and kekkaishi
4) cleared up my bookshelf, got 2 empty shelves de
5) read up on biostats
6) learnt how to change car tires
7) settled all pending projects
8) finished playing C&C 3

I'm proud to say that time spent on this sem break is well spent.

An old memory

I met with my Sec School Counselor (SSc) 2day,the meeting wasn't planned or anyting,I was walking around PKNS when I saw her. She didn't change much,still the same caring person. While we were chatting,a topic came out,it was about whose ur Idol.

Flashback

SSC: Siapa Idola awak?

Ichi: Alfred Noble

SSC: Kenapa beliau?

Ichi: krn beliau percaya kepada kebaikan yg tersembunyi dlm sifat Manusia.

SSC: kenapa x kata yg Ayah awak idola awak seperti kawan2 yg lain?

Ichi: ermx5..

SSC: xper,awak boleh duduk

Present

SSC: Siapa idol awaak skang?

Ichi: Ramai,Ms. Tp skang,ramai idola saya yg boleh saya jumpa dgn senang,x payah rujuk
biografi diorg.. masing2 tgh cuba menulis kisah masing2.

SSC: Termasuk Ayah awak?

Ichi: Ermx5

SSC: oklah, saya dah lewat nie. nie nombor saya,bile senang call/msg

A - Z

Saw this form at Jason's blog and completed it for fun.

INSTRUCTIONS: Fill out these questions and make a new note called "ABC About You." Then tag 25 people. If you got tagged by me, you have to take this survey and re-post it! Don’t forget to tag me because I want to know more about you!

A - AVAILABLE: Yes

B - BIRTHDAY: 1st May

C- CRUSHING ON: -

D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: Apple juice

E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: a logical person

F - FAVORITE SONG AT THE MOMENT: Listen Beyonce

H - HOMETOWN: JB

I - IN LOVE WITH: Lappie,Anime & Genetics

J - JUGGLE: Family Issues, Studies Issues,Financial Issues

K - KILLED SOMEONE: LOL..maybe

L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: From Kl 2 JB non-stop

M- MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: Chocolate

N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 3

O - ONE WISH: To have 3 more

P - PERSON YOU CALLED LAST: Al

R- REASON TO SMILE: when I'm with frens or got an inspiration

S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: papa roach

T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: 7.00 am

U - UNDERWEAR COLOR: Multi

V - VEGETABLE: Okra

W - WORST HABIT: Waiting

X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD MOST RECENTLY: 2 yrs ago for bronchitis

Y - YOYOS ARE: A toy

Z - ZODIAC SIGN: Taurus

RANDOM QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

Your favorite number/s: Hate Numbers

What color do you wear most: Blue,Red,Black

Least favorite color: Pink

What are you listening to: Burn By Papa Roach

Are you happy with your life right now: No

What is your favorite class in school: History

Who is/are your best friend/s: U know who u are

Are you outgoing: Sometimes

Favorite pair of shoes: Hush puppies

Can you dance?: No

Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth: No

Can you whistle: No

Cross your eyes: Nope

Walk with your toes curled: No

DO YOU BELIEVE IN...

Do you believe in life in other planets: Nope

Do you believe in miracles: No

Do you believe in magic: No

Love at first sight:No

Do you believe in Santa: No

Do you know how to swim: Yes

Do you like roller coasters: No

Do you think you could handle the stuff they eat on those reality shows: Depends

Have you ever been on a plane: Not yet..Soon

Have you ever asked someone out: Yes

Have you ever been to the ocean: Yes

Have you ever painted your nails?: No

THE WHAT'S

What is the temperature outside?: 28 degree Celsius

What radio station do you listen to: Hitz.fm

What was the last restaurant you ate at: Secret recipe @ sec 9

What was the last thing you bought: Apple

What was the last thing on TV you watched: Amazing Race Asia 4

THE WHO'S

Who was the last person you IM'd: no one

Who was the last person you took a picture of: Not a cam whore

Who was the last person you said I love you to: U know who

CRYING SECTION

Ever really cried your heart out: Yes

Ever cried yourself to sleep: No

Ever cried on your friend's shoulder: Crying is a private session for me

Ever cried over the opposite sex: My sis

Do you cry when you get an injury: Yeah,before puberty

Do certain songs make you cry: Certain songs

HAPPY SECTION

Are you a happy person?: yeah,when I'm out of the house

LOOK AT ME

What is your current hair color: Black

CURRENTLY WEARING

What shirt are you wearing: some T-shirt

Pants: long pants

Shoes: None

Necklaces: None

IN A GUY/GIRL

Favorite eye color: Black

Short or long hair: Short hair

Height: not too tall nor short

HAVE YOU EVER

Been to jail: No

Mooned someone: No

Thought about suicide: maybe

Laughed so hard you cried: yes

Cried in school: when I got my PSLE results,SPM results

Thrown up in a store: No

Wanted to be a model: No

Seen a dead body:Yes

Been on drugs: Longx4 time ago

Gone skinny dipping: HAhaha...maybe

THIS OR THAT

Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi

McDonald's or Burger King: MC D

Single or Group Dates: Single

Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate

Strawberries or Blueberries: Blueberries

Meat or Veggies: Meat

TV or Movie: Tv

Guitar or Drums: -

Adidas or Nike: -

Chinese or Mexican: Chinese of cos

_____________________________________________________________________

Who did u tag: all of my readers XD

Many questions, so few answers

Many are asking why I left Rizal since we're so good together.

Frankly, this was a decision that both of us decided together. Maybe due to some differences in personalities. As we said in some posts,we aren't the ideal bfs for each other. His taste and mine don't actually matched, we tried our best to fulfill each other's needs and wants but somehow we both don't feel that a its a right thing to prolong something that unrealistic.

Yes,I was the person who asked for the break up which is selfish of me but again, I can't feel nor deliver the same feeling that I saw in the Honey Club. Maybe its becos my belief that every thing I touch will break after some time so its better to break it myself before others break it for me.

I know that my reasoning is kinda twisted but pls do try to understand or tolerate this decision of mine.

Maybe one day, I find someone that could truly mend my broken self.

Final chapter

How I wish that this is not the end. The final meet was a sad thing for me,settling all the bills and what nots,returning all the gifts. All I can hope is God has a better person who is waiting for u.

I'm sorry for what I had asked for,I know that the request was the hardest for u comply but somehow I think its the best for the both us.

In friendship,we say good bye.