Tea or Coffee

I really don't know how to write about this sudden urge to question my sexuality,erm,don't get me wrong,I'm happy with the person I am,just that some events that started during my exams week that trigger this need to reflect on it.

The events are:

1) My cousin's wedding

My cousin who is in Singapore is going to get married in August 2010. I shuld be happy rite,unfortunately,this is the same cousin that I had sex with when I was in Pri 6 till Sec 1 ( I know I'm notti). This sudden announcement of him getting married made my other aunts asked when its my turn to tie the knot.

2) My fren's bf is turning straight

This one is a complete surprise for me cos he was the one who convince me to come out of the closet and now he is not doing anal sex with his bf and seems to be reluctant to do even oral sex. Latest news was the bf told my fren that its better for him to be single.

3) Oedipal urge

There is this article that I read about why gays turn gays and yeah,Oedipus played a role in it. As most of u know,in a nutshell,Oedipus was a Greek hero who killed his father to marry his mother. In the article,it states that gays become gays so that they could seek love from other men to compensate their dad's love for them and hate women due to their mums who "stole" their dads' love from them. Make sense doesn't it?

Could 100% ex-gays actually exist in the world? We all have heard that ex-gays do not turn straight 100% and sumtimes cheat on the wife with another gay guy. Is it true that we seek guys cos we lack of fatherly love? For me,the latter makes a bit of sense.

Since the age of 12,I had accepted that I'm gay although I'm not that sissy acting. I asked someone once who had dated girls why he became gay.His reply was "girls are like tea while guys are like coffee. When I don't get coffee,I'm okay with tea."

Is life that simple,is being gay is like switching a switch,gay one min,straight another min? All this while,we have been hearing that being gay isn't a choice,its causes are either the environment that ur being brought up or the genetic factor. How many gays who chose to be gay are out there...How many gays who have relatives who are gays themselves?

I know that sumtimes we are tricked to be gay or straight by our mind or other factors,remember the kid who Mike adopted in Queer as Folks,he turned out straight in the end,didn't he?

So what do I really prefer,Tea or Coffee?

Being Anonymous is better(?)

Earlier in the year, I wrote a story similar to ugly duckling but in my version of the story,the ugly duckling keeps trying to find a place for himself but fails to get one. For me,that's true moral of The Ugly Duckling, its not about being ugly which then turns out that ur actually pretty but trying to find a place for u to be urself among frens.

Unfortunately,it turns out that many hate the real me but its funny that many hate me cos they don't know the real me,its like hating chocolate without even trying to taste it.

Anyway,these bad experiences wouldn't stop me from trying again...

Bday celebration: The last one for this year

Remember that I said that there will be one more bday celebration in one of my bday celebration and relating to that comment,do a few remember that I had sent a few mails inviting some of the bloggers and frens to celebrate my bday celebration.

Well, if u don't remember,its ok cos I also had forgotten about that till last nite,when a fren (Yus) reminded me about that so we (me,Rizal,Yus and his bf who shares one of my nicknames) went out and had a blast. Yus bought us a small black forest cake and his bf bought us a can of edible chocolate (I think u can find in I need House outlets).

I had mixed feelings during the outing cos I was happy that a fren remembered the invite even though I had decided to close that issue and at the same time,I was sad cos most who rejected,didn't even wanted to arrange another time for the celebrations. (Oh well,maybe next year,kot).

Anyway,I ended the day by treating them to Shrek 4 and popcorn and what-nots. Love u guys..

2nd month de

Its our 2 months anniversary yesterday... We went for a movie,lunch and bowling at Sunway Pyramid. We also had exchanged our rings,my fav. ring (the blue banded one) is on his finger now and his fav. ring is on mine.

Another musician dies

It seems that this year seems to have a record of a lot of celebrities dying. This time,it was Paul Gray, the bassist of the heavy metal group,Slipknot.

As some of u recalled,this is my fav. heavy metal band.

A short biodata of Paul Gray:

Dob: 8 April 1972

Place of birth: Los Angeles

Once performed for: Anal Blast, Vexx,Body Pit and Inversi Catharsi

Masks worn during performance: Pig mask, Black mask with rose holes and dark eyes,Black mask with bullet hole and cracks,Grey leather mask with stitches and white paint smugded in a single line from the eye holes

Date of death: 24 May 2010

Cause of death: Unknown, awaiting coroner's report

Falling in love again

I have not been to Rizal's house since last Sunday hence the last post. The reason is due to assignments,lab reports and out of uni work,all seems to be conspire to not let me have the time with the lover. Glad to say that all work has been done and submitted,only have the last hurdle to overcome which is exams (I'm really hating Jino,Count and Evann rite now).

Anyways, I treated Rizal to his favourite eating place which is Ayam Penyet at the Curve,its an Indonesian restaurant. We were at the place for about 3 hours,90% of the time spent talking about our relationship. (nah,its not in deep waters). U see,both of us are from different Unis so our holidays and classes clash.For instance,I'm about to have my holidays while he is about to start a new sem. (next sem,more "calat" cos I'll be doing my FYP).

I had told him about my commitments before we start our relationship,at that time,he didn't believe me that I'm a busy guy.

Now its still ok cos we are students,sleep when the Cock crows also can survive but I'm afraid that when we start working,this would be a major prob ( prays hard that they would be together forever). He suggested that we shuld move in in the near future,I told him that if we are to move in,I don't want to stay in Shah Alam.

All in all,both us treasure the time that we spent with each other more,each meet becomes more meaningful and each second not being together becomes more painful....

I really salute Will and Jino who are able to tahan the absence of their partners.

Missing him much

I leave thee for awhile, my love, I leave thee with a sigh;
The fountain spring within my soul is playing in mine eye;
I do not blush to own the tear,—let, let it touch my cheek,
And what my lip has failed to tell, that drop perchance may speak.
Mavourneen! when again I seek my green isle in the West,
Oh, promise thou wilt share my lot, and set this heart at rest.

I leave thee for awhile, my love; but every hour will be
Uncheered and lonely till the one that brings me back to thee.
I go to make my riches more; but where is man to find
A vein of gold so rich and pure as that I leave behind?
Mavourneen! though my home might be the fairest earth possessed,
Till thou wouldst share and make it warm, this heart would know no rest.

I leave thee for awhile, my love; my cheek is cold and white,
But ah, I see a promise stand within thy glance of light;
When next I seek old, Erin's shore, thy step will bless it too,
And then the grass will seem more green, the sky will have more blue.
Mavourneen! first and dearest loved, there's sunshine in my breast,
For thou wilt share my future lot, and set this heart at rest.

Leaving thee for awhile

by Eliza Cook

K.I.V

My blogger schedule is becoming more and more irregular,unlike last year when I blog every single day. The reason is partly of my uni assignments that I have during this sem,the most pain-staking one is doing a Video for my Complimentary and Alternative Medicine subject. For the love of everything holy,we are not mass com students nor I.T students.

1)Assignments

It took us a day to figure out how to trim and add subtitles,then another night to make the subtitles move(I'm a noob). I find that the level of enthusiasm that the students have directly correlates with the lecturer's level of enthusiasm of teaching the subject,the lecturer for CAM has minimal level of enthusiasm so the students have negative level to do what she wants.

2) New campus

MSU have shifted to the new campus.Unfortunately,the students have no added pride to the fact that they have a campus of their own. The classes for Biomed students are on the 7th floor while the lobby is on the 2nd floor,with no lifts available yet,we need to use the stairs,I being the diva,am the loudest to complain. The 2nd prob is the lecturers are still at the old campus so if the students want to meet the lecturers,they have to walk for 30 mins or drive for 2o mins back,either way is inconvenient,for the students and for the lecturers.

The only bonus is we have shaded car parks,thanks to the elevated highway which is 50 meters away from the campus. (its a eye sore,the architect must have been a straight guy).

3) Work

My work load have finally caught up with me,I keep KIVing stuff till the stuff is overflowing my inbox,luckily Rizal is helping with the data entry work and editing work since he is on holiday. love him to bits...

4)Immuno deficient

I have been to the clinic twice this month alone, the hot weather is one of the main factor in contributing to this. I can't stand the heat. The bills for this month will be a lot. Most of the time,I'm going out at night instead the day to escape the heat. The day would spent either sleeping or doing assignments and going to class or just hanging at Rizal's house.

5) Cleaning

Since I'm spending time at his house,its natural for us to share the load of maintaining the cleanliness of the house 2gether. The challenge is to match our level of acceptance or completion on the cleaning duty.

For example,I'll wash the dishes and pots after we finish eating cos might as well clean everything at one go,rather to wash the pots, then eat,then wash the plates. His method is wash the pots,eat and then wash the plates. His rationale is he doesn't want to see a mess in the kitchen.

6)Muet

I finally did my MUET,the main reason is its one of the criteria for graduation,the 2nd is for personal achievement.

Anicca

Thus shall you think of this fleeting world:

A star at dawn, a bubble in a stream,

A flash of lightning in a summer cloud,

A flickering lamp, a phantom, and a dream.

Diamond Sutra

The lover was going thru my book collection and spotted a Dharma book.Frankly,I was surprised at what he found cos I had no idea that I have a Dharma book on my shelves. I had forgotten how I got it but I'm so certain that it came to my possession during the period that I was into theology which was when I was 15-22 yrs old.

Anyway,the book was about Diamond Sutra which contains the best explanation about one of 3 marks of existence which is Anicca or Impermanence which refers to Change which is the last 4 lines of it.(Pls refer to the text above)

Well,its true everything changes if u give it enuff time,a seed grows into a tree, a tree returns to earth as nutrients. Even in relationships,u can see changes,frens 2day,strangers 2morrow.

Change can be for good or for bad,for example,2day,ur an idiot but 2morrow,ur a genius.Unfortunately,some would never appreciate the fact that humans have a very powerful tool which is the power to change. I remember watching one movie adaptation of Noah's Ark (Christian version) when Noah asked God why did He created humans if he's going to destroy them later. God's reply was Humans unlike Angels nor Demons have the capability to better themselves or to make them worse unlike Angels or Demons who are unchangeable in their nature and He wasn't going to destroy all humans,just those who don't see the need to better themselves.

Just think about it.........

Stuttering

Stuttering is a speech disorder in which the flow of the speech is disrupted by involuntary repetitions and prolongations of sounds, syllables, words or phrases, and involuntary silent pauses or blocks in which the stutterer is unable to produce sounds.The term "stuttering" is most commonly associated with involuntary sound repetition, but it also encompasses the abnormal hesitation or pausing before speech, referred to by stutterers as blocks, and the prolongation of certain sounds usually vowels or semi-vowels.

So now we all know what is Stuttering,rite? So why I'm writing about this?

Elo,I'm Ichi and I stutter. My stuttering isn't that severe,I have a very mild form of it,I stutter when I'm nervous,happy or tense. Most of the time,I do realize that I stutter so when I'm stuttering,I'll shut up and take a deep breath and repeat my words.Cos of the frequency of it occurring so low,most won't noticed it and those who do politely ignore it.

Unfortunately,my bf isn't polite and always take note of it. According to him,I had stuttered thrice 2day.Sigh..........

A song dedicated specially for u

All I wanna say is thanks for proving that I'm right.........

Debate @ MPH

We caused a uproar in MPH today. The We is me and R. We were browsing thru books when he asked," Between Tolkien and Lewis,who is a better writer?" and that started a full debate on authors which unfortunately included Poe,Dahl,Bronte sisters, Dickens, Twain,Rice and lastly Shelley

Personally,I have a love and hate relationship with Tolkien,He made me wasted about 6 months,reading and rereading the books (I had the opportunity to read the deluxe version of Lord of the Rings along with the appendices). As some of u might know,Tolkien have the magic touch where he captures the readers to read on even though they are sick of the unwanted ballads and background stories of a few characters that were mention once or twice in the books. A few times,I wanted to throw the books out of the windows and be happy that not knowing the ending is so much better plus I'll stop straining my eyes reading the small fonts of his books.

Lewis is so much straightforward and easier to read,The Witch,the Lion and the Wardrobe and its sequels were digested within a month. He created Narnia,brought it to the Golden Ages and finally destroys Narnia and guess what,he actually uses lesser words than Tolkien to achieve that. FYI,both authors were friends and both text carried the same msgs.

Dahl is my favourite author,he sits comfortable at the top position of my list. His books could bring smile to ur face even when ur on the 1st page. His writing style is so "sempoi".....

Erm,I really could talk about books and authors all day......

Money matters

When ur in love, ur expenses tend to double or triple cos of various reasons,main ones to explode are ur telephone bills, entertainment needs,food and other miscellaneous items.

How to cope or lessen this sudden budget inflation? Some would take advantage of those mobile plans that all Telcos offer which is get a post-paid line and a sub line. The bonus here is both the sub and the main gets free calls and a limited number of smses each month.At the end of each mth,each party pays his own usage of the line. For me and R,this is definitely out of the question since we see each other almost everyday and often spending 5-6 hours with each other so we were apart,we tend to do our own stuff. Even if we have the sudden urge to meet,his house is in a 10 km radius from mine.

With R,I save a bit on entertainment cos he often downloads movies and always choose Wednesdays to go Cinema so u can say that he's kinda thrifty when it comes to entertainment.

Again the same thing for food but I tend to force him to dine at Old town and I also pay the groceries that he bought.

The biggest hole is the miscellaneous stuff,he and I like to do grand stuff (well,he plans while I executes the plan),buying stuff like flowers,bedsheets,handcuffs and etc isn't cheap but somehow we tend to get it done.

So how about u guys? What do u spend the most on and how do u cope with the sudden increase?

ps: Somehow I feel that Lux is getting richer.......

Bday celebration pt 3 and 4:Dining with the twinks

* I'm tired of writing the same topic again and again so I'm going to finish it all today...

1/05/2010

After celebrating with my family,I went out for dinner with yamcha gang and to my surprise,R wants to follow me out.

We dined at Kenny Rogers and I got another cake from Secret Recipe,this time is was Indulgence.(Yummy cake). R was a dear cos most of the yamcha geng got dirty mouths (me included),they kept pointing out those cute twinks who are obviously gay and kept asking whether I have gotten myself a 2nd wife in front of R. Luckily,R was smart and replied that I was looking for a 3th wife and my 1st wife is my lappy and 2nd wife is him. (yes,its tough to be my lover).

2/05/2010

I brought the family to Tony Roma's cos my dad was saying that he wants to treat me and the family to sumting good and I'm sick of eating at the neighborhood restaurants. On arrival,I forgot that Tony Roma's got alcohol and therefore wasn't halal. Luckily,the manager assured my dad that there's no lard nor pork being served,the mom wasn't convinced with the explanation given so we waited till there's another Muslim family to enter the diner which wasn't a long wait.

After ordering,I noticed that there was a group of youngsters celebrating their friends bday and after locating the bday boy,it turned out to be someone cute and twinky,btw his name is Jonathan. The frens were okay looking,there were more gals than guys but one of the guys have a big butt,just the way that I like it. The bday boy was damm nice,doing all the dares that the frens asked,he even kissed the big butt boy.(Mom was shocked at the sight).

After having dinner,the waiter came out with a bday surprise which is a free Rocky Mountain with a candle on top,turns out that the dad told the waiter that there's a bday boy in the house,they also gave me a bday card.

ps: still got 1 more party which is on next week.

Bday Celebration pt 2: The tranny uncle's revelation

1/05/2010

I came back from Armada at around 12 and to my surprise,the whole family was there,I meant the uncles and aunties congregated at my place to celebrate my bday.

The tranny uncle bought me a Tiramisu cake from Secret Recipe(I still prefer the Tiramisu cake from Alexis though). While eating and goofing around,the tranny uncle announced that he just came back from Bangkok and had learnt how to play tarot. So he went to each one of us and read our futures.

Some cousins had great future like getting rich,getting married fast but my future is the best which I'm gonna get married in my 30s so guys,mark ur calenders cos in 10 yrs from now,gay marriages are legal in Msia.

ps: super sick now cos too much partying during the weekend....

Bday celebration pt1: 4th night

31/4/2010

R: Dear,have u completed ur stuff?

I: Yup,just finished all,why?

R: Erm,nothing.I'll pick u up in 20 mins, just bring spare clothes.

After 1 hr

I: Yang,are u treating me lunch at Armada Hotel? My bday is 2morrow tau...

R: Erm,u want lunch ah,wait lemme check in 1st then I'll feed u milk..


Rizal started the celebrations with a stay at Armada's.It was fun but I need to go back for a while to close shop and all that,since it was my bday,the parents didn't ask much about my comings and goings.

ps: I know that it might sound that we only had 4 sex sessions but actually those sessions that I highlighted are special ones.

A letter to God

Dear God,

I know I have been a bad person,not listening to Your Words and winking + staring at cute guys while listening to the Sermons in the Mosque weekly... but I would like to thank You for giving me a great year and one more chance to celebrate my bday and hopefully one more year..

Also thank You for giving great frens and a nice family to be with,although I do sumtimes feel that I deserve more like a being a best frens with Lady Gaga perhaps or be the son of Trump...But seriously,although I do bitch about them,I really do love them a lot...

And finally,thank You for giving me a wonderful bf who is waiting on the bed for me rite now,thank You for giving me someone who can understand and tolerate my eccentricities and oddities.

Yours sincerely,
Ichi