Pandora in her foolishness opened Mercury's box and causes mankind to curse her for eternity but a few wise men praised her for opening the box a second time and releasing HOPE.
Its weird to see how an innocent tag changes into a serious matter. I seriously salute those who faced their darkest moments and persevered by their self determination. To me,these ppl are the true heroes who uses HOPE to hold on,all Gays deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm not saying this cos of trying to sympathize with uolls but I do know how its like to feel the despair creeping on u and trying to understand why things happen the way it happened.
I had known that I'm gay from pri 2 cos I used to have this crush on a fren,his name was Terence. I used to imagine that me and him do stuff that adults do in movies when the screen turns black or try to hug him or just talk to him. But u see,I don't dare to do all that cos I'm afraid of what he might think.
Years passed by. In secondary sch,I was the odd one, I don't go out,stuck at home studying or reading books which sort accelerates my maturity but since I'm trying to find acceptance among peers,I hid my true-self and blend with the crowd.
At the same time,I was struggling with my relationship with the family.Do you know how miserable it is to be in one house but doing separate stuff all day?
During form 4, I sorta snapped,started to yell,shout and fuss about everything.My daily routine is go to school,go to tuition and come back and lock myself in the room and stare at ceiling. There was a time that I almost tried to swallow a whole boxful of panadols just for fun. Everytime,when I read a suicide story,I would sigh and say how lucky is that person or how brave is that person.
Also during form 3-5,I experimented with sexs,I could proudly say that I had eaten a pussy before but I didn't get the same feeling when I made a guy orgasm.
All time until I met with an angel,I was living 2 lives,Ichi who desperately seeks acceptance from his frens and society (The good Ichi) and Ichi who wants ppl to see the real him (the Bad Ichi).
the good Ichi would try to make ppl who he wants to be close with accept him by treading carefully,its ok for ppl to step over his head as long as they want him. The bad Ichi is selfish,snobbish person who wants ppl to bow to his needs,who thinks ppl are just accessories to his life.
Then one day,an angel told him that what he's doing isn't good,he shuld accept both Ichis and try to make a new persona from both.So he changed slowly uner the angel's guidance and found that the new Ichi is quite okay,he found that ppl actually don't like being right all the time and ppl don't like being treated like shit all the time (ok,some still deserve shit every day).
After a few months later, a fren did what the old Ichi wants to but the new Ichi found that taking one's life is a super selfish act and overcoming the darkness takes more courage than letting go.....
I still am trying to conquer my darkness,trying to find inner peace with the world but the old Ichi has died a long time ago,the new Ichi is growing stronger each day. Its funny how emotional/mental scars don't fully heal,a small cut is enuff to make a larger hole......
ps: I know I act weird when I meet up with new ppl,sumtimes I embrace u with my care-free attitude and sumtimes I tend to be in my world. Don't fret,its just me trying to make connections.
Its weird to see how an innocent tag changes into a serious matter. I seriously salute those who faced their darkest moments and persevered by their self determination. To me,these ppl are the true heroes who uses HOPE to hold on,all Gays deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm not saying this cos of trying to sympathize with uolls but I do know how its like to feel the despair creeping on u and trying to understand why things happen the way it happened.
I had known that I'm gay from pri 2 cos I used to have this crush on a fren,his name was Terence. I used to imagine that me and him do stuff that adults do in movies when the screen turns black or try to hug him or just talk to him. But u see,I don't dare to do all that cos I'm afraid of what he might think.
Years passed by. In secondary sch,I was the odd one, I don't go out,stuck at home studying or reading books which sort accelerates my maturity but since I'm trying to find acceptance among peers,I hid my true-self and blend with the crowd.
At the same time,I was struggling with my relationship with the family.Do you know how miserable it is to be in one house but doing separate stuff all day?
During form 4, I sorta snapped,started to yell,shout and fuss about everything.My daily routine is go to school,go to tuition and come back and lock myself in the room and stare at ceiling. There was a time that I almost tried to swallow a whole boxful of panadols just for fun. Everytime,when I read a suicide story,I would sigh and say how lucky is that person or how brave is that person.
Also during form 3-5,I experimented with sexs,I could proudly say that I had eaten a pussy before but I didn't get the same feeling when I made a guy orgasm.
All time until I met with an angel,I was living 2 lives,Ichi who desperately seeks acceptance from his frens and society (The good Ichi) and Ichi who wants ppl to see the real him (the Bad Ichi).
the good Ichi would try to make ppl who he wants to be close with accept him by treading carefully,its ok for ppl to step over his head as long as they want him. The bad Ichi is selfish,snobbish person who wants ppl to bow to his needs,who thinks ppl are just accessories to his life.
Then one day,an angel told him that what he's doing isn't good,he shuld accept both Ichis and try to make a new persona from both.So he changed slowly uner the angel's guidance and found that the new Ichi is quite okay,he found that ppl actually don't like being right all the time and ppl don't like being treated like shit all the time (ok,some still deserve shit every day).
After a few months later, a fren did what the old Ichi wants to but the new Ichi found that taking one's life is a super selfish act and overcoming the darkness takes more courage than letting go.....
I still am trying to conquer my darkness,trying to find inner peace with the world but the old Ichi has died a long time ago,the new Ichi is growing stronger each day. Its funny how emotional/mental scars don't fully heal,a small cut is enuff to make a larger hole......
ps: I know I act weird when I meet up with new ppl,sumtimes I embrace u with my care-free attitude and sumtimes I tend to be in my world. Don't fret,its just me trying to make connections.
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